Category Archives: Adam

I Once Put As My Facebook Status

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“People without chronic pain illness cannot understand that a lessening of pain is as good as no pain at all.”

That holds true every day of my life.

I am in pain of some sort 24/7/365.  Whether my left hand aches from arthritis or my left leg hurts from ass to ankle with early degenerative disease or my upper arms protest from the simplest actions due to fibro, there is some kind of pain in my body.  Sometimes all of the above at the same time. Sometimes even more than that.

So when I wake up and its only one of those things? That’s an awesome day.

Today? Is pretty much an awesome day.  My left hand doesn’t hurt (although it is stiff).  My leg feels pretty good.  My arms are less sore than they have been lately.

The main reason for this is rest.  Simon is on holiday for two weeks, this week coming up being the second, and, as we try to do when he’s off, we’ve been each having 2 nights on, 2 nights off, getting up with Adam.  And not only have the last two nights been my nights off, but Adam has started to sleep better again.  So really, I’ve had 3 fairly decent nights sleep in a row.

And all it really takes is 2.  2 good nights and I start to feel better.  The problem has been the 3rd night.  But, with any luck, Adam will sleep well tonight and I’ll get 4 decent nights sleep in a row.

Man, imagine how good I might feel tomorrow!

Letter To My Son – Adam – 14 Months Old

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Dear Adam

14 months and lots has been happening!

Right now you have an ear and chest infection and are on antibiotics.  Luckily you take medicine very well.

You are getting into things more and more, keeping Mama and Dada hopping: –

My first attempt at dress up was less than successful

You’ve got a new pushchair, to save Mama some energy as we go up the hill to daycare.  You seem to like it very much, as you sort of lounge in it.

But mostly you’re becoming a toddler.  Insisting on doing things yourself.  Not wanting to waste time with nappy changes.  Hating to sit on some one’s lap for long periods (unless you’re very sleepy).  You want to be out and about and doing doing doing.  You want to be walking, but aren’t quite sure how that works yet beyond a step or two (unless holding on!).  Mama can just tell that as soon as you figure it out? You’ll go straight to running.

Although you’ve never crawled on hands and knees, you have no problem getting around:

You’ve also started to eat exactly what Mama and Dada eat, or you won’t eat at all.  The other night we had a curry and started to give you something out of a jar.  You refused to eat it, peering interestingly at Mama’s plate.  So she gave you a small piece of Chicken Tikka.  And some Na’an.  Chapati?  Pilau Rice?  Ate.It.All.

You’ve now had stuffed cod, salmon in garlic and soy, lamb stew, beef stew, pickles, chips and one small piece of corn crisp.  You wanted more of the last but Mama had a fear of you choking on it. 🙂

Unfortunately, you are having a tough time settling into daycare.  You cry when Mama or Dada leave you, although they say you do play a bit and seem to be getting better, there is still some crying off and on.  It probably won’t help that you’ve missed a few days due to being ill this month, but we’ll start again next week.

You’ve also got 2 new teeth poking through.  Upper right and left, one over from your incisor.  So you’ll have a gap.  And nothing to chew against, as you still only have the two front on the bottom!

The biggest news of all?  And the reason Mama is actually glad this is a day late?  Because today, this morning, for the first.time.ever?  You looked right at me and said Mama.

I love you

Mama

So, My Dad Asked Me On Skype Today…

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‘You’ve cancelled our Skype twice now because of work on your flat.  Is it falling apart?’

The answer is no.  The reason there is suddenly so much work being done around here is that I finally got a contact at our landlord’s who, when I ring and say ‘The metal strip between Adam’s room and hall has lifted and is dangerous.’  Replies ‘I’ll have someone out tomorrow.’

As opposed to our previous contact who, when I said ‘the paint is chipping quite badly in the hall’ came ’round, took a mass of pictures and never did anything.  My new contact, when I pointed out it was still chipping, came ’round, took a look, and scheduled the shower replacement and the repainting within in weeks.  My first conversation about this? Was about a year ago.

But now the work is done.  The en suite shower is replaced.  The paint is fixed.  The broken shower door in the hall bath is gone and a rail up instead, with a shower curtain I chose myself.

And now to organize.

The goal, overall, is to make the closets usable, rather than large dumping grounds, and to make Adam’s room as safe for him as possible.  Adam’s room has always also been a dumping ground and is no way, shape or form safe for the toddler he is quickly becoming.  I want to make it so we can put a stair gate up and leave him in there to play without supervision.  We do have a playpen, but how cool would it be for him to have his *entire* room for that?!

So the large bookcases full of Mummy and Daddy’s books are being moved.  The bits and pieces he has outgrown are going to be sold.  The tall cupboards that hold his things will be fastened to the wall.  And so on.

Because my baby? Is starting to walk: –

My Absolutely Non-Picky Eater…

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So you hear about kids who just.won’t.eat.  Okay, well, they eat, but its things like hot dogs and fish fingers and chips.

I don’t have one of those kids.

In the past few weeks Adam has eaten:

Chicken Tikka, pilau rice, pickles, na’an, chappati, cod, fresh peas, risotto, salmon, mashed potatoes, mashed sweet potatoes, oven chips, hamburger, cheese on toast, eggs with cheese, sharp cheese and I’m sure I’ve forgotten something.

The last thing Adam is is a picky eater.

Hopefully he never will be.

Apologies If Anyone Couldn’t Get Here Yesterday

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My brother hosting company migrated servers yesterday so we were down for a bit.  All fixed now! 🙂

These past 3 weeks of flat repair have convinced me, once again, that I don’t ever really want to own my own house.  Its been constant is the workman going to show up, oh good he did, oh crap he needs to come back, oh look another lot of plumbers and they still can’t fix it.  And its not over because we are pretty sure we found the leak, in the hall bath by the radiator.  Where they *just* fixed the paint from a previous water issue.

The good news? We don’t have to pay for it.  The bad news?  I can’t get a moments peace in my own house!!!

I was very much looking forward to dropping Adam off at day care, coming home, making a fresh pot of coffee, doing some work, having a sleep, doing some more work, actually eating lunch, cleaning a bit of the house maybe, then going to get him to find he’s had a lovely day of playing and laughing and making friends.

Instead I drop him off and leave him crying for me, come home, let in the handyman, get a headache as they rip the tiles off the bathroom wall with a jack hammer, do some work, eat some lunch, get slightly nauseaous from the smell of fresh paint, go pick up Adam to find out that he’s cried off and on for 5 hours and won’t eat anything while there.

I actually had a decent nights sleep last night, for the first time in about a week, and Simon asked if I felt any better.  Nope.  I need about 2 weeks of decent sleep to maybe feel better.  I suggest I check myself into a hotel and leave he and Adam to it.  Simon said no. 🙁

I guess I’ll feel better when Adam is 16 and refuses to get up at all during school hols.

Or maybe not.

I Am Sure I Am Not

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the first person to stare at their child and wonder.  Not just at how quickly they are growing or at the fact that they are a parent.

But wonder at the magic that is the creation of life.

About 22 months ago an egg met a sperm and 37 weeks 6 days later a full human being came out of my tummy.

Think about it.  A full, complete person was inside me.  And then wasn’t.

With fingers and toes and hair and eyes and ears and a mouth and all those things.

And now that small being is bigger.  And turning, right before my eyes, into a real person.  With a personality and likes and dislikes.  With hair that needs trimming and nails that need clipping.

That talks.  And thinks.  And learns.

That is beginning to walk.  And feed itself.  And plays.

That is rapidly turning from my baby to my little boy.

That can clap its hands.  And use a spoon.  And show you how big he is.

That can say Dada and look towards his Mama when you ask him where she is.

A whole complete human being.

That grew in my tummy.

Miracle of life indeed.

Reflections on a Year

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Well…over 13 months.

Anyway, as Adam and I gear up for our next big adventure, him starting day nursery and me having free time away from him on a regular basis, I’ve started to reflect on the past year.

As this year has gone by there have been some truly horrible moments.  Moments when I’ve sat crying, Adam in my arms, exhausted, overwhelmed, aching with arthritis and fibro and depression, knowing Simon wouldn’t be home from work for hours.  Knowing that I couldn’t even call him and ask him to come home early because he told me about a big meeting or he’s teaching at a far away campus.  And wondering if I was the most selfish person in the world for having a baby with all my health issues, both mental and physical.

So I asked my sister, was I? Was I incredibly selfish to have Adam?

And she was, as always, brutally honest.  She said, you well know that I had reservations and worries when you got pregnant.  That your brother and I were both worried about your mental health and physical health issues.  And you know what? We worried for nothing.  You are a wonderful mother.  Adam is thriving.  Your company is taking off.  So, no.  You were not selfish to have Adam.  You wanted a baby and you had a wonderful one.

And I cried.  And I cry as I write this.  Because saying it out loud was hard enough.

Finding out I was wrong? Was even harder.

Because it showed me something I’ve never wanted to believe about myself.  I am just like everyone else in the world.  I have doubts.  I am, at times, hard on myself.

And I hate that.  I hate that I care what others think sometimes.  I hate that I question my ability to be Adam’s Mummy.

Because Adam is indeed thriving.  Not just because he’s 31 inches tall and weighs 28 pounds.  But because he’s starting to talk.  And walk.  And feed himself.  So he doesn’t talk English and he stumbles and the spoon is usually up side down?

He’s learning.

And so’s his mum.

Letter To My Son – Adam – 13 Months Old

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Dear Adam

Today you are 13 months.

The Saga Of The Lump is finally over.  You have a scar under your left arm that is approximately 7 cms long.  The swelling is almost gone and for the first time in over a year your left side has no lump.  It feels very strange to Dada and I, I must say!

Grandma and Pops came to visit for your 1st birthday.  Unfortunately, before that day actually arrived, Grandma found herself in the hospital in London and never made it back to Belfast.

But you had fun while she was here: –

SDC10170

In the last few months you’ve had chicken pox, a cold, surgery and a tummy bug.  This means your sleeping has gone to pot.  Mama doesn’t think you’ve slept through the night in about 2 months, except occasionally.  She is asking very nicely for that to be over.  Thanks.

You are now a real standing boy, BTW.  Holding on, hands free, a few little steps.  Crawling has not happened, although you do manage to get around, between bum shuffling and sort of scooting.  Mama will try to get it on video!

Finally, you’ve started settling in at day care.  The first few days were fine, the 4th one you were a bit hysterical.  But we’ll get you there and I think you are going to have  a lot of fun while there.  The baby room is just a big room full of toys!  So you’ll get to play play play all.day.long! How can that be bad?

And finally…you, my son, are 28 pounds and 31 inches tall.  That’s the 91st centile for both.  So you’re already about the size of a 2 year old.  Mama is already envisioning buying your P1 uniform in a size for a 6th Former.

Love

Mama

Today Tops The Crappy Day List

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I can’t talk in detail about part of it, because I don’t really know who reads this and who doesn’t and I don’t want to spread a certain item of news through my blog, but suffice it to say, its bad.  I’ve lost someone I’ve known for quite awhile (not a family member) who I was starting a new phase of our already wonderful friendship with.  It was very very sudden and very very unexpected.  Everyone who knew this person is in shock.  RIP my darling.  I’ll write about it more as I know the news has spread.

Then, Adam is ill.  He’s been running a fever off and on all day, topping out at 101 F.  That’s about 38 C.  For the record, body temp in C means nothing to me.  So our thermometer reads in F.

Finally, I’ve lost my wedding ring.  I don’t wear my rings around the house, since my hands are constantly being washed, sucked on, covered in poo, what have you.  So I take them off, slide them onto my watch band, secure the band and the whole caboodle goes in my jewellery box.  I was doing this after getting home this morning when I tripped.  And my rings went flying.  I found my engagement and my claddagh rings, but my wedding ring seems to have disappeared.  Simon and I are afraid it went flying out the open window, even though I am sure I heard three clangs as they hit the wood floor.  So we will keep looking.

And thus ends my crappy day and my not so great week.

Next week is bound to be better…right?

The Final Instalment of The Saga Of The Lump

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The final instalment of the Saga of the Lump actually started last Thursday.  Simon had taken the day off work so that I could go to a Revenue and Customs class on allowable business expenses.  He sent me a text in the middle saying ‘Ring me as soon as.’  I texted back saying I didn’t think we were going to get a break what was it.  His reply was that the surgeon had rung about possible not doing the surgery as there was a new beta blocker protocol.  I was fuming.  All well and good to tell us all the options, but 3 days before he was to go in for the surgery?!?!

When I finally got to speak to the Consultant, Mr Dick, he explained that he felt that it was important that we have all the information.  But I did not feel like we got it all as he couldn’t tell us side effects, length of treatment or anything else except that beta blockers had been known to work.  I told him forget it, let’s operate.  He agreed.

We arrived at the hospital at about 745.  We checked in with reception and headed up to the Day Procedures Ward (henceforth known as DPW).  Simon and I watched with much amusement as a youngish lady walked onto the ward wearing a Little Black Dress.  We raised our eyebrows at each other.  And then did so again when she came over and introduced herself as a member of the team operating on Adam.  There has since been debate as to whether she always dresses that way or if she was on her way out after or if she had just arrived from the night before!

She then informed us that Adam would need his blood typed and cross matched because they just weren’t sure how many veins there were or how big they might be.  They usually use something they call ‘magic cream’ for inserting needles on children, but it takes 45 minutes to work and there just weren’t 45 minutes available.  So we held Adam down as they tried to get blood out of what looked like a good vein in his foot.  He cried hysterically as the needle was inserted, with Simon and I holding him, stroking his face and talking to him.  No blood came through the needle, but when the needle was removed he bleed copiously so they put a tube under that and viola they had the blood they needed!

Adam continued to be hysterical as I scooped him up and held him, with Simon pressing a pad on his foot to stop the bleeding, until Adam finally fell asleep in my arms.  At this point he was only wearing a nappy as they had to remove his footed PJs to find a vein for the blood letting, as it came to be called!

He slept for about 45 minutes and then we were taken to the pre-theatre playroom.  He had remained in just a nappy and it was chilly in there so I regretted not redressing him or bringing him a blanket.  It is the only room in the hospital that Simon and I have ever been in that wasn’t completely over heated!

After a short wait, during which Adam entertained himself pushing buttons on this light display thing (if he’d been older, he could have played their Wii! Very well stocked play room!!).  Then we were told that since he is 1, only one parent could take him back.  So Simon said ‘You go.  You can sing to him.’  Simon kissed him and Adam and I went into the anaesthesiology room.  Just like last time, when he had GA for his MRI, he fought hard against the mask, but this time even singing didn’t calm him. The gas finally won and he was asleep.  I kissed his cheek and his forehead, told him I loved him, and was led from the room.  And that’s when I nearly lost it.  I was fine up until then, but leaving him there, so small, unconscious, without me, the tears came.  The person who was walking me out cracked some stupid joke and the moment passed.

Simon and I were starving at this point so we went to the cafe and had some coffee and some food and waited.  And waited.  And waited.

Mr Dick just came to us after about an hour and said it was over.  Adam was fabulous and it was easy to remove.  The mass would be sent to pathology but Mr Dick was convinced it was benign, just a mass of puss and blood and fluid.

After about 15 minutes we were told we could go down to recovery.  We heard Adam long before we saw him, crying his head off.  He stopped once he saw us.  We let him swallow some milk and then took him back to the DPW.

Once there we were informed that Dr Taylor, the anaesthesiologist, was concerned about pain due to the length of the incision.  It was suggested we stay on the ward for at least another 2 hours to see how Adam was as the local wore off and then perhaps overnight for pain management.

Adam in HospitalAdam in hospital pram, post-surgery.

We tried to get Adam to sleep, even taking him for a walk in a hospital pram, but he just wouldn’t settle.  At 2pm Simon realized he was starving and went to get a sandwich as I tried to get Adam some painkiller as he seemed sore when he moved his arm.

Just minutes after Simon left, Dr Taylor showed up.  I said to him ‘I think he hurts, but he’s so unsettled, I am not sure staying here is the best idea.’

Dr Taylor said ‘Well, how about we give you some codeine, you take him home, where I agree he will probably settle better, and if you  need us, ring?’

‘Deal!’ I said and rang Simon, who had just grabbed a sandwich!

And so we came home.

Now, 5 days post op, we’ve had the pressure bandage removed and replaced with regular plasters, which are coming off tonight.  His scar goes side to side, when Simon and I both thought it would go up and down.  Adam has had no pain. And, as we were told it might, the area is swollen and filled with fluid, which should be reducing in the next day or two.  It is, almost, like the lump is still there.

This worries me a bit, of course.  But I’ll see what its like on Monday.

Adam has a follow up with Mr Dick in 3 months, on 30th September.  But, so far as we know, The Saga of The Lump is over.

Almost a year to the day it began…