Letter to My Son – Adam – 17 18 Months

Dear Adam

Yeah.  Okay.  So today as I start to write this you are 17.5 months.  Mummy’s late again.  She’s sorry.

And by the time I got back to it, you were nearly 18 months.  As of, well, tomorrow.  Sorry again.

Why is she late?  No time again.  You’ve been ill, again.  You’ve pretty much been ill for 6 months.  No wonder you’re sleeping like crap.  I doubt you even know what feeling well is like.  Poor wee boy.  Right now as I type this you’ve got a double ear infection and a red throat.  Oh how you hate having your throat looked at.

Now you  have inhalers which you hate.  And had to use a nebulizer at the GP’s.  Which you despised.  It’s not been a great month for you.

Although lot’s of good stuff has happened.  You’ve definitely found your feet.  You now own a pair of proper shoes.  You’re attending daycare a full day and half day a week.  You’re adding to your vocabulary.

Adam at Clarks

You and mummy go for walks at City Hall:

Adam takes a walk

You’re thinking about climbing up on things.  In fact Daddy said you actually tried to get up on Mama and Dada’s bed yesterday, but couldn’t quite figure it out.  I keep recommending you get up on a sofa, because they are lower, but you seem to really want to be on the bed!

Which reminds me of watching your cousin, I think it was Sara, leaping up and grabbing the sheets on her Mama and Dada’s bed, to pull herself up.  You should try that.

You are getting very good at asking for what you want, by pointing.  And you have about 6 words.

Mama is going to measure you tomorrow but she knows you weigh 26 pounds as of last week.  And your belly is disappearing so your trousers don’t stay up!  You are beginning to be shaped in a cross between your Uncle Jeff and your Dada when they were your age.  Tall and skinny, with all your height in your torso.  Makes it very hard to buy you clothes when you are 2T from the waist up and 18 months from the waist down!

And it’s nearly Christmas.  Granny Grace and Grandpa Tom will be here for that.  And then 2 weeks later Grandma and Pops with the dark hair will be here to see you.  We are not letting Grandma out of our sight this time, no side trips to London to get ill!

So it’s been a busy, if not well, time my small boy.

And Mama had better post this before you wake up from your nap.  Or you may be 19 months before she does…

Love

Mama

Why Updates Have Been A Bit Sparse

Today officially marks Adam’s 5th round of antibiotics in the last 5 months.  That’s right, an infection a month, more or less.

So I’m tired. And everything is suffering; my clients, the house, this blog.

He started at Daycare full days Mondays on 1st November.  Since then either he or Simon have been home on what is suppose to be *my* day!  So *my* day hasn’t really happened yet.

This coming Monday should be the first one, but I have a doctor’s appointment at 1130, so I still won’t be able to get everything I want to get finished, finished.

I promise when my first true *my* day happens, I’ll put up the Dublin post.  And Adam’s 17 month newsletter.

But at this rate, it may not be until January…

A Weekend In Review

No, not the one I spent in Dublin.  I still haven’t written that one.  But I will. Promise.

Just an ordinary weekend Chez Fraser is what I mean.

Saturday:  Beautiful sunny day here in Belfast.  Just incredible for this time of year.  Not even all that cold, I went out in just a jumper over a t-shirt.  Took Adam for a walk at City Hall.  He walked all the way from one side of the lawn to the other, about the distance of a city block.  After that we went to Boots and Tesco.  In Tesco he fell asleep.  And stayed asleep until after Simon and I had lunch!  I’m liking this walking thing!

Sunday: Spent the morning just hanging around the house.  Adam and I had a bad nights sleep so after Simon woke up I took myself back to bed for a bit.  Then made Pancakes, with Aunt Jemima Mix my friend Lisa sent me, with bacon for lunch.  Then Simon took Adam out for a quick trip to the shops and another walk while I changed the sheets on all the beds in the house.

Not the most exciting life, perhaps, but it suits us.

And I am dreading when Adam makes friends and we have playdates.  Because, ya know, I don’t really like most other people.

Truly I don’t.

Letter to My Son – Adam – 16 Months Old

Dear Adam

Yes.  This is late this month.  By quite a few days.

Why?  2 reasons: –

  1. Mama has been very busy with you and work and the house and things; and
  2. Mama feels like she’s been rushing these in order to get them up on your day, rather than take her time and really write what she wants to write.

So this month, she is taking her time.  And it will be late.  I’m sure you’ll forgive me. 🙂

You have changed so much in the past month.  You’ve gone from being my baby to being my toddler.  You walk.  You ‘tell stories’ in babble speech.  You play games with your toys.  You have tantrums.

Books!

Right now, as I write this, you are playing on the floor in front of the computer.  You’ve been entertaining yourself for about 15 minutes, tapping a bit of plastic on various things and listening to how they sound.  You did the floor, the window and the coffee table.  3 taps and move on.  Very scientific!

You have become very stubborn.  Mama and Dada are trying to get you to drink milk out of a sippy cup, rather than a bottle.  Water you drink no problem and, in fact, seem to like drinking that way.  But milk?  Not happening.  Even if it is time for milk, such as mid afternoon, and you are wanting it very very badly, you will not drink it out of a sippy cup.  You’d rather skip your milk (which you love) than drink out of that evil evil cup.  Mama will win this battle.  It’s just a matter of when!

Your sleep is still not great.  Napping practically doesn’t happen at all, unless you fall asleep in your stroller and stay that way once we’re home or if Mama or Dada has time for you to sleep in their arms.  Daycare says you fall asleep in a bouncy chair for them, but Mama has tried and it’s not worked.

Nights are slowly getting back to normal.  You settle much easier most nights than you have been.  Unfortunately you haven’t been sleeping through.  You wake somewhere between 10 and 4 and will not go back to sleep unless Dada or I bring you into bed with us.  This is fine for getting more sleep for all but certainly not ideal.

Speaking of daycare, you are thriving there, finally.  Just as Mama was thinking about pulling you out you started to enjoy it.  Now you cry only when Mama comes to get you.  We aren’t sure if it’s because you missed her or because you’re disappointed you have to stop playing! In fact, starting in November you will be going all day on Monday’s!

Mama, you see, has picked up another client and really needs a bit more time to get everything done. So Dada and I talked about it and decided one full day and one half day a week would be ideal.  And so it shall be.

This month you had your first haircut.

Adam's first haircut at 15 months

And did I mention the walking?

You’re getting better at it every day.  It really is amazing to watch.  Mama thinks there will be running before too long.

And then she’ll have to remember these wise words:

“Small boys are like dogs.  They need one good run every day.”

Love

Mama

It is Really Truly Over

Adam was discharged from the surgery today.

The Saga Of The Lump is Truly Over.

It was indeed a benign hemangioma, as predicted.

There is a teeny tiny small possibility of it reappearing, but truly unlikely.

It was not caused by my dropping him.  It would have appeared anyway.

Simon and I didn’t realize how worried we still were until the Registrar said ‘Benign.  Discharged.’

So glad we had him go through the surgery.  Because now?

It’s truly over.

Letter To My Son – Adam – 15 Months Old

Dear Adam

Yes, yes, Mama is late with this newsletter this month.  Why?  Well, gee maybe because a certain young man has been sick with one thing or another for pretty much 3 months.  And the last 2 weeks have been the worse.  Even worse than the chicken pox.

Since May you have had:

  • Chicken  Pox
  • Surgery
  • Ear Infection
  • Ear and chest infection
  • ear and chest infection
  • viral infection with a highish fever

Mama and Dada are exhausted, as are you, since you can’t seem to sleep through the night right now.  Mama thinks you fall asleep fine and then your nose gets stuffed up and you just can’t clear it, so you wake up and cry and can’t resettle yourself.  Mama has been cursing the people who took Medised off the market for under 8s.  Not because it was deemed dangerous for younger kids, but because parents were abusing it, giving it to well babies just so they’d sleep.

So there is nothing Mama can give you to dry up your nose.  Nothing but essential oils and other crap that just isn’t working.

This too shall pass.  This too shall pass.

So, what have you been up to this month? Well, you surprised Dada and Mama when you picked up your comb and combed your hair! And, in even bigger news, you are now sleeping in PJs and a duvet rather than a sleeping bag.  You managed to kick  your way out of your sleeping bag twice, so Mama changed you.  You having been sleeping a bit better since then.  Not a whole lot. But a bit!

Your teeth are coming in in droves, although only on the top. Mama thinks she sees one poking through on the bottom, but she isn’t sure!

Your walking is coming along slowly, but surely.  And you actually, finally settled into daycare.  And then you missed two weeks being sick.  You’re going back tomorrow, though.

You can point to your nose and your belly.  And say Mama.  When you feel like it!

Mostly you’re just getting taller and bigger a little bit every day.

And Mama loves you more and more every day.

Love

Mama

PS No pictures this month because I haven’t had time to download them from the camera.  Maybe I’ll add them later!!!

Thanks Everyone Who Spoke To My Heart

It really needed to hear it!

Adam is still ill, probably with a viral infection.  No other infection found in his urine, so that’s good news.

Now the debate is: to do settle in days in daycare or not.

Simon and I are leaning towards not.

Adam didn’t actually settle into daycare until we said ‘Okay kid, this is it.  Deal.’  And, eventually, he did.

Also, I have some major projects with my main client that have been totally neglected over the last month or so due to Adam being out of daycare so much.  So I really need those hours to,  you know, make some money.

So I think, come Monday, he’s just going to go back. Plop.  Into daycare.

And he’ll deal.

Eventually.

Once Again Feeling Like A Crap Mother

I am not saying I am a crap mother.  Just that I feel like one lately.

Why? Because Adam has had 3 ear infections and 2 chest infections, 2 of each in the last month. And has had to take antibiotics for them.

Why do I blame myself?

Because I couldn’t breastfeed.

Everyone (yeah, ya know, everyone; they’s neighbours?) says that breastfeed babies have much better immune systems. That they never get ill.  That they walk at 2 months and talk at 3 months and go to Harvard at 3 years old. Oh and they can drive by the time they are 18 months.

Obviously I am being hyperbolic about this, but its almost that bad.  If  you formula feed, for what ever your reason, you are, basically, stunting your child for life.

I would normally laugh this off.  I don’t do competitive parenting, I think its ridiculous.  But this one, about a weaker immune system, is hitting really close to home right now.  As my son coughs himself awake night after night.  As goop drains out of his ear and his fever spikes to 100.6.  May not sound all that high, but he’s normally around 97.4.  So its about 3 degrees.  That’s a lot.

That’s all happened in the last week.  And I put off taking him to the doctor because I just couldn’t believe he had yet another infection.  So he didn’t get any antibiotics until Thursday.  When he probably needed them starting Tuesday.  And I should really listen to my Mum.  Who told me to take him to the doctor on Wednesday.

Another reason to feel like a crap mother.  Because after just 2 doses of his antibiotic, he started acting more like himself again.

In any case, I know not being able to breastfeed was not my fault.  I had no milk.  Fact.  I may or may not have had milk if Adam hadn’t been a C-section, if he hadn’t needed to be in SCBU for 9 days, if if if if if…but I didn’t have any.

So I gave him Cow & Gate.  And no one can say he hasn’t thrived, my 31.5 inch, somewhere around 30 pound, at nearly 15 months son.  But he does keep getting these bugs.

Now, everyone knows daycare centres are hot beds of germs.  And he’s proving it.  He was out of daycare more than he was in it in August.  And now he’s missed another 2 days.  Just as he was settling in so nicely.

So I feel guilty.  Is it because I had no milk? Could I have had milk if I’d just tried a little bit harder?

Of course not.  Well, the lower immunity might be, who really knows?  But I had no milk no matter what I did.  And I did it all.

So, Mummy Guilt rears its ugly head.  And I feel like a crap mother.

Even though, in my head, I know I’m not.

Could someone just tell my heart that?

3rd Cold in 2 Months

So Adam isn’t sleeping well. So no one is sleeping well.

And I am cursing the rotten parents who abused toddler cold medicine, using it when their babies wouldn’t sleep rather than when they were ill, so all governments everywhere took it off the market.

I just want my baby to be able to breathe.  And sleep.

Apparently that’s too much to ask.

Mama and Adam’s Newest Adventure

So I’ve been wanting to go to Connswater Shopping Centre for awhile, because there is a Really Really Big Tesco (TM) there, but was always a bit daunted by the distance. Until I realized it was only about half a mile further than the Tesco I go to now.

So I put Adam in his new stroller and headed off.  Simon was a bit iffy about it, as its not the best part of Belfast, but I realized as we walked along that so long as I wasn’t wearing my ‘I’m for a United Ireland’ t-shirt, I’d be okay.  NB: I don’t actually own such a t-shirt.  My point is that the area is heavy LOL with lamp-posts with pictures of the Queen and everything.  Simon says about 1 block to the left is the just the opposite.

Anyway, it was a very nice walk, mostly flat (as opposed to my other Tesco, which is mostly uphill the whole way) and with traffic lights almost every crossing (also unlike my other Tesco) and then I was there.  Mecca.  Okay, so its just a very nice shopping centre with a Really Really Big Tesco (TM) and a Dunnes and Boots and all sorts of places.  It was fab.

So Adam and I looked around Dunnes.  And then went and did the shopping in Really Really Big Tesco (TM).  I carried through with a plan I’d been thinking about for awhile, which was to fold the pushchair up and stick it in a trolley rather than try to carry a hand-basket and push the stroller.  Worked a treat, except that there was no safety strap in the trolley seat, so I tied him in with a string I had!

Adam loved it.  I forgot to take a picture, though.  Maybe next time.

However, since it was a Really Really Big Tesco (TM) and it was laid out differently from my usual Tesco (and why is that? Why can’t they all be laid out the same?) shopping took longer than usual.  Suddenly it was noon and I had a hungry, cranky boy on my hands.  I wasn’t feeling too uncranky myself, actually.

So what’s a Mama to do?  We went to the food court.  Where our choices were Chinese, Burger King, Subway or Chicken Cottage.  And I knew the one thing Adam *might* eat was chicken.  So Adam had his very first ever child’s meal.  Chicken and Chips.  He ate about one nugget and some chips.  I had some chicken as well.

And then we headed home.  And belly full of chips boy fell asleep in his pram about 10 minutes from the flat and stayed asleep for about an hour.

So it was a good adventure.  I was feeling guilty about the lunch until I spoke to Simon:

‘Forgive me Dada, for I have sinned.’  I said to him on the phone.

‘Oh?’ He replied

‘Adam had his first ever fast food lunch today.’

‘Oh.  Well he’s had bits of my Egg McMuffins when he’s been with me and I’ve had one.’

Guilt 100% gone.