Category Archives: Adam

Lord*, Give Me Strength

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There are two things that Adam has/does that can be considered babyish. He still uses a dummy and he still drinks 3 bottles of milk a day.

The dummies will be tackled in about another 6 months when Simon and I think he will be able to understand why he can’t have them or at least be bribed with a toy if he ‘sends his dummies to the babies through Santa’.

The bottles on the other hand…

Milk is the only thing he drinks from a bottle. And only at home. Everything else, and at daycare, he drinks out of a sippy cup or an open beaker. With no problems or issues.

But at home he would rather not have milk than drink it from anything than a bottle. And if you knew my son and his love of milk you would understand just how much he wants that milk in a bottle and not a sippy cup. He just loves snuggling in with Mummy or Daddy and having those bottles. And it is such a source of comfort to him.

This morning we got up and, as agreed with Simon last night, I put his milk in a sippy cup. He sipped not a sip.

And so I am trying to be strong. Intellectually I know he doesn’t need the milk. He eats a wide variety of foods, including plenty of cheese for his dairy. And I know he will drink the milk from the sippy cup eventually as this isn’t the first time we’ve tried this, although not with his morning bottle. I’ve been trying to get him to drink his after lunch milk from a cup for ages.

I also know I don’t want to make him give up his before bed bottle. We both love our pre-sleep cuddle and I would miss it.

So I was strong. And Adam had a crap morning. Tripping over his own feet twice, ending in tears. Once while holding his cup of OJ. So OJ on the floor, crying, cranky baby.

Then Simon got up (Sundays he gets to lie in. I get Saturdays). And I told him about our morning. And he said ‘Give him some milk in a bottle. I bet that will help.” So I did. And it did.

And I will continue to do so. Despite the judgement of others. Despite my own lack of strength in the matter.

I doubt he will drink milk out of a bottle at Uni. But so what if he does???

*Okay, so I don’t actually believe in the Lord referenced in my title, but it sounded good and I do believe in a higher power.

I Don’t Know How Long It Will Last

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but last night Adam slept from 8 – 7. He hasn’t slept that late in, possibly, forever. Never mind without a peep.

Well, not a peep. I did hear something around 2 am. And then heard nothing. And I mean nothing. Not even his snoring. And he snores like his Daddy snores. Being an anxious person I had to get out of bed and make sure he was okay. And to pee. 🙂

He was fine. But I was up for at least another 30 minutes. My stupid brain.

At least Fridays are my morning off and Simon is still on holiday so I got to laze in bed for another hour or so when Adam woke up at 7. And tomorrow is my other morning off and it’s Saturday so more lie in for me!

I was still exhausted today. So tired Simon actually said I looked tired, which I rarely look. I had a long nap after lunch and that helped some.

The other good news is that the cortisone shot I had in my hip seems to be doing some good.  For the first time in a long time it doesn’t hurt. Neither do my knee or my foot. It’s very odd to not be in pain down my left side. The Ortho said if it was going to work I would definitely have less or no pain all down my leg. And he was right. He’ll do a follow up call in about 5 weeks and when I tell him it worked he’ll do another shot in a couple of months. A person can have 3 a year, if it seems to work.

There is definitely something further wrong with my knee but there is nothing they can do about it. And I’ll never be pain free, thanks to the Fibro, but at least things are much much better.

This was suppose to be a post about Adam’s sleep. ::shrug:: I’ve had some wine. I’m rambling. 🙂

 

Feeling Like A Fraud

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I was once part of a discussion on Mumsnet regarding when we all felt like mothers. My answer was that it was the moment they took Adam away from me to put him in an incubator in SCBU. All I wanted was to be with my baby and I couldn’t, least of all because my spinal block hadn’t worn off and I couldn’t feel anything from the waist down, never mind get up and walk.

But that’s not entirely true. Because I still have many moments, nearly every day, when I feel like a fraud. That I want to see who is standing behind me when someone calls me ‘Mummy’. Even when that someone is me.

I felt it at least once today, when Adam and I were playing with his new garbage truck, one of many vehicle related gifts Grandma gave him while she was here, and I said to him ‘Hand that to Mummy.’ And I had a moment of ‘Wait. Who? Hand it to who?!?’

I’ve written before about never having a ‘OMG I’m the Mummy’ over the top freak out moment, a la Jamie in the old US sitcom Mad About You. But I seem to have small moments of it through out the day.

Another example is one day when I went to pick Adam up from daycare and half of his class were in the garden and the rest were inside so the nursery staff outside shouted through the window ‘Adam’s Mummy is here!’ I honestly had to stop myself from turning around to see who was behind me.

I liken this feeling to a moment I had, albeit once, after my brother had his first daughter. I was driving somewhere, idly thinking, as you do, and it suddenly hit me; ‘OMG my brother is a father!!!!’ I mentioned to him and he said ‘Yeah, I have that thought a lot!’

11 and half years on I haven’t asked him if he still has that thought or not. If I am going to have these ‘OMG I’m a Mummy!’ thoughts for the rest of my life or if they pass.

I think I’ll ask him. J? You reading this? Do you still have those moments?!?!

The Weirdest Things Fill Me With Pride…

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Until recently there was some concern that Adam had a speech delay. He was barely speaking, although babbling incessantly, and I was starting to get worried.

And then he approached two and started adding new words daily. And started using 2 words together like ‘Hi Daddy!’ and ‘Night Night Daddy!’ (yeah, we’re still lacking some Mummy!!). He still doesn’t talk much around strangers, including at nursery, who say ‘he’s quiet but fun!’, but he talks a lot at home.

And then he says things that make my heart swell with pride. Stupid things. Things that would make other people would look at me like this: O_o

Yesterday, for example, it was picking up his pacifier, showing it to me and saying ‘Dummy.’ Then he nodded and put it back down.

I thought I was going to cry.

I still might at the memory.

I am adoring watching him grow and learn and understand. He still has so much to learn. Numbers and colours and words and writing. Maths and science and drawing.

But there is so much he already knows. Where to put the trash. Which bin his dirty clothes go into. How to step out of trousers (so long as he holds on!).

And how to wear Mummy’s trainers:

Mummy’s Sick Day

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What’s that you say? Mummy’s don’t get sick days?

Usually true. But this Mummy has been feeling horrid for at least a week. Missed sleep, stress of ill boy, stress of an emergency with a client (which is thisclose to being resolved, thank god) and, as of this afternoon, a low lever fever led to me saying to Simon ‘I’m taking to my bed on Thursday.’

And I did.

This, of course, was only made possible by three factors. Factor one: Adam at daycare. Factor two: Simon off work on holiday and able to get Adam to and from said daycare. Factor three: the ability to ignore my to do list, which is still as long as my arm and growing all the time.

So I got up with my boys as usual. And the second they were out the door I was back in bed. And there I stayed. Slept. Read some stuff on my phone. Actually did about 5 minutes of work dealing with said clients said emergency. Ate lunch in bed. Slept some more.

I’m still not feeling great and will try to have an early night. But I would feel worse if I had pushed myself, my spoons were so low already.

So Mummy had a sick day.

And feels a bit better for it.

Letter To My Son – Adam – 25 Months Old

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Dear Adam

That’s right, Mummy is going to try and keep up with these. But no promises!

Today you are 25 months. You spent most of the month between 24 and 25 months ill. But Mummy went postal (sort of) at the GP and you now have been referred to ENT. So now we wait.

When Mummy says she ‘went postal’ what she means is that she was very firm as the GP once again said ‘we need to see how he is in a month or two’ Mummy pointed out that GPs have been saying that to her for about a year. So the GP looked closer at your file and counted antibiotics since January. 6. That’s about 1 a month and is many too many. So the referral was written.

You are also probably going to be referred to Allergy, once I get you in to see the head GP. He spoke to the nice Laura Lady, our Health Visitor, and agreed things seems allergy related but wants to see you himself before he’ll send a referral. Fair enough.

Your 2 year check was fine. You, of course, didn’t say a word until the very end, but you did stack blocks and engage with Laura a bit so she was satisfied. You wouldn’t step on her scale so she took Mummy’s word that you are 28 pounds and about 3 feet tall!

Major milestones this month have included drinking from an open cup: –
Look at MEEE!!!!

 

And climbing on playground equipment: –

Up...

Since you missed so much nursery being ill you’re having a bit of trouble at drop off but Mummy and Daddy know you’ll settle again soon. And they are moving you to toddlers! My good big boy!!

You may note that Mummy has started to call herself Mummy regularly. That’s because you *finally* call me Mummy! Not all the time. But more than you used to. And when Mummy complains that all you seem to say is Mummy Mummy Mummy all day, remind her how long she waited for you to call her anything at all.

Love

Mummy

Morning Routine

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Oh how I hate that word. Routine. Despise it. Always have. Always will. And yet they seem to create naturally in my life.

There is one part of our morning routine, on non-nursery mornings, that hasn’t changed since Adam was born and Simon went off Paternity Leave that I adore.

After he gets out of the shower, Simon calls to Adam to join him in our bedroom. Obviously when Adam was a baby, Simon would come get him! And that’s Daddy and Adam before work time. When Adam was a baby he would lie on our bed, securely in the middle, and Simon would play and talk to him. Now that he’s older they still play on the bed but there’s usually tickling and poking and rolling around going on.

SDC10682

That’s my time, that 20ish minutes. To drink a cup of coffee. To read the internet in peace. To gear up to being 100% responsible for Adam until Simon comes home from work.

I didn’t get that 20 minutes the last week or so since Adam’s been so ill again. And I didn’t realize how truly precious it was until yesterday when he felt well enough again to go play with Daddy on the bed.

That was the best cup of coffee I have ever had.

Hands down.

This Past Weekend My Leg Was Quite Bad

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after a week of a 28 pound child spending most of his time in my lap, on that leg, it’s not surprising.

Sitting on the floor, which I used to do all the time and prefer to sitting on a chair, hurts. A lot. Especially if my leg already hurts.

But, for the first time ever, on Saturday, Adam came over to me and took me by the hand and asked me to sit on the floor and play with him. He usually prefers to play by himself so him asking me to play was momentous.

So, despite the pain in my leg, I got down on the floor. We looked at books and pushed cars around and, for some reason known only to him, held the pieces of the big puzzle in our hands. When I tried to lay them out and put them together, they were very decidedly picked back up and put back into my hands!

Iggle Piggle Card!!

Did it hurt? Oh hell yes.

Did I do it for long? Not really. Maybe 20 minutes.

Was I happy to do it? Oh hell yes.

And I think that’s the thing non-parents and even, sometimes, my husband, don’t understand about being a mummy. That you’ll do anything for your child. Even cause yourself pain, lose yourself sleep, hold your bladder or not eat, if your child needs you for something.

Granted, playing on the floor or not playing on the floor is not a need, per se. But my son asked me very directly to join him for the first time ever. He came over to where I was sitting on the sofa and took my hand and most definitely asked me to sit on the floor with him.

And so I swallowed my pain and went with him.

And would do so again in a heartbeat.

Would You Believe…

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Adam is ill again? Fever, vomiting, diarrhoea (which I can never spell the first time). This included a lovely puke at 0023 this morning. Oh and a runny nappy around 0200.

I am really beginning to think he has an allergy. His eczema flairs horribly after he’s been playing outside. We spent quite a bit of time outside on Sunday. Sunday night his eczema was very bad in big patches. Monday morning the first fever appeared.

The GPs don’t seem to be listening to me when I enquire if this is more than just bad luck. I get knowing looks and metaphorical pats on the back when I suggest there might be a greater cause.

We will be seeing our Health Visitor on Friday for his 2 year check and I am going to see if she can get him referred to allergy or paediatrician or someone who can maybe run an allergy test or something and see if I am right.

Even if he’s too young for treatment, maybe we can adjust his diet or be ready to react when he’s been outside or something.

And if she can’t do anything? Mama Bear is going to come out at the GP next week.

The same Mama Bear who came out and insisted I get some tests and not just keep taking sleeping pills when I stopped sleeping about 4 years ago. The one who got me a diagnosis of Fibro and pain clinic management and acupuncture.

So watch out. Here she comes…

I Just Want To Put Here

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For the record that Sheppard’s Pie made with leftover lamb and veg is not as nice as made from raw and slow cooked. It was edible and had fresh mash but it just wasn’t the same.

In other news, we haven’t found a new place to live yet but our landlord is being incredible and not only letting us go month to month starting in August but is also slightly reducing our rent. He’s also agreed to reduce it further if we decide a new place is just not available and we agree to sign at least a 6 month lease.

In other, other news even if we don’t move we are having a massive clear out. Our hope is to lose at least one bookcase and to get rid of all of Adam’s baby stuff. *sniff*.

Which reminds me. Look who can drink out of a cup: –

Look at MEEE!!!!