Category Archives: daily

I Will Never Play the Game

Posted on by

‘don’t drop the baby.’  That is when you hold the baby in your arms and sort of let it slide down your front while saying ‘uh oh, don’t drop the baby!!’  My oldest niece loved that game when she was about 1!

Why won’t I play it? Because I actually did drop Adam yesterday at around 1915.  He’s in the hospital.  He cracked his skull a little bit.

He’s fine, really, just in for observation and some scans and hopefully will be home tomorrow.

But I dropped him.  One second he was in my arms, the next he was on the floor, crying.

Intellectually I know he is fine.  Emotionally I feel like the worse mum ever.

I have now heard what seems like 100s of dropped baby stories from friends and relatives.

Doesn’t really make me feel better.

I.Dropped.My.Baby.

Poor wee dote.  23 days old, been in hospital 11 of those days.

I just want my baby home for good.  No more accidents, okay?

In About 40 Minutes From When I Write This Sentence

Posted on by

Adam will be exactly 2 weeks old.

SDC10258

So, how’s he doing?

Very well.

He’s eating well, he’s sleeping 2 – 4 hours at a stretch, he’s awake and alert for about an hour in between.

He’s gaining weight.

He’s getting cuter by the second!

He is mummy and daddy’s wee dote.

I’ll have some new pictures up soon!!

Breastfeeding…

Posted on by

So, I wanted to breastfeed my son.  Not just because of all of the ‘breast is best’ propaganda around these days, but because it seems like a lovely way to feed a baby.  All that snuggling and skin on skin contact while giving my son his very best start, what could be bad with that?

So from the start, my very first appointment with a midwife, they asked me how I intended to feed my baby.  And I always answered, with no hesitation ‘breast’.  I knew there could be issues, that the art, if you will, of breast feeding has been lost some where along the way but that millions of women were doing it.  And I really wanted to.

And then he was born.  And wouldn’t even do a first feed in recovery due to his breathing.  And then he taken away from me within hours to be put in SCBU.  So I started hand expressing and did get a few milliliters of colostrum for him.  Which he took through a tube.

And then I got an electric pump while I was in hospital.  And I hooked myself up, every 3 hours, including round the clock.  And still only got a few drops.

So I started on the wives tales.  Fennel Tea.  Lactation Cookies.  More expressing. Sitting looking at him.  Smelling him.

And still I never expressed more than about 10 ml every 3 hours.  Not even close to enough to feed my hungry son, who by the end of his first week was up to 60 – 90 ml (90 ml is about 3 oz) every  3 – 4 hours.  My milk has just never come in.

And so I made the decision.  Cow and Gate via bottle.  I cried and agonized over this decision.  I fretted and worried.  What kind of mother can’t feed her son?

And then I realized I could feed my son.  I know formula isn’t the same as breast milk, no matter what it says on the tin.  But its keeping his tummy full.  And he is very healthy, according to the Health Visitor who was around yesterday.  And he’s content (well, as content as an 11 day old baby ever is 🙂 ).

What really angers me is other people’s reactions. I’m sorry if to you I’m not a complete Mummy because I am not breastfeeding.  But when eating time becomes a battle of wills? Not good for Mummy or Baby.

And it angers me the lack of support that some women show other women for their choices.  For their failures, if you will.  There are no pefect mummies.  Everyone makes choices for their children.  And all over the world women judge other women for those choices.

And the judging is not just over breast versus bottle.  Its disposable versus reusable.  Public school versus home schooling.  Free Range versus total watching.

And none of these issue, and many others, have a right or a wrong answer.  And yet we all judge each other about them every day.  And it needs to stop.

We are all mummies together.  We all have one common goal, to raise our kids to be the very best human beings they can be, or I hope that is the overall goal for all mummies.  I know it is my goal!

And if it isn’t your goal? I can respect that.  And support you in that.

Can you do the same for me?

My Micracle Occured…

Posted on by

Not only did he come home a week earlier than the doctors predicted, he came home a day earlier than I was told!

Adam and I came home yesterday around 2:30pm.  🙂

He is doing super.  He had a great night in his Amby next to Mummy and Daddy’s bed, sleeping from about 11:45 to 4:45.  He probably would have slept longer, but Mummy woke up and got a bit panicked that he was still asleep so she grabbed him to make sure he was still breathing!  He was. 🙂

Right now he is asleep again, in his cot.  Mummy and Daddy decided Amby is for overnight and cot is for during the day.  Seems to be working so far.

He’s eating like a champ, from a bottle.  We are having some breast feeding issues.  I will be blogging about those in full later.

And now…the moment a lot of people have been waiting for…Adam Jacob Fraser…UNPLUGGED!!!!!

SDC10231

He Took A Bottle All Night Long

Posted on by

no need to reinsert his feeding tube.  So I am hoping we can bring him home on Sunday.

SDC10203

Look! Clothes!!!!

In other, non-Adam news, my mom is here.  She arrived on Wednesday and immediately started cleaning my toaster.  Ahhh, mothers. 🙂

It is really good to have her and Step Dad here.  It is so helpful to know Simon and I can be at the hospital with Adam and come home and there’s some food in the fridge and the laundry is folded.  It will be just as helpful once Adam is home, if not more so.

Of course, she makes me a little nutsy (and yes, she’s probably going to read this) as she asks me about my blood sugar 10x a day.  In fact I just told her it was 1000.10.  Just to be a wise ass. 🙂

As for me, I am feeling very well.  My tummy is getting less sore every day.  Every time my wound gets checked it looks fine.

I just wish my baby was with me.  I’d be exhausted.  But he’d be here and not across town.  Soon.

And…I’m Home…

Posted on by

Unfortunately without my baby.  He is still in SCBU and probably will be for about another week to 10 days.  His breathing is getting better by the hour, however, it turns out that the babies of Diabetic Mummy’s tend to have suck and swallow issues, so there is some thought that it might be a few days after his breathing is fine until he can come home.

I got to hold him today for the first time since his birth.  It was only for about 20 minutes but it was the best 20 minutes ever.  Unfortunately, I had forgotten the camera!

I will write up his birth story over the next few days, as I know people have been asking about it!  I will also be putting most of his status updates here, rather than repeating them over and over at Facebook and Mumsnet and all the other sites I know people are waiting for news!!

Thank you everyone for your kind words sent through Simon on his birth.  We think he’s pretty darn cool!!

Basic Stats:

Name: Adam Jacob (Adam was his daddy’s mum’s dad’s first name and Jacob was his mummy’s dad’s dad’s middle name) (did you follow that?)

Born: 11th June 2009

Time: 10:36am

Via: C Section

Weight: 8lbs 10oz

Hair: Black on his head.  Blond eyebrows and lashes.

Eyes: Deep dark blue.  Mummy hopes they stay that way!

Length: No idea!  Never been measured!!

First act on this earth? Peeing all over his mama!

SDC10118

The Final Letter to My Baby – Gestational Age 38 Weeks

Posted on by

Dear Adam/Zoe (name subject to change without notice)

Well, my love, this is it.  Mummy’s last letter to you while you are in her tummy.  You should be in her arms in just about 48 hours.

She and Daddy are so ready.  Not just with your room and your clothes and such, but mentally ready.  We keep talking about how much fun it will be to have you with us.  We are aware that it won’t be all sunshine and roses, more like poopy nappies and colic for awhile, but we are ready for even that.

This morning as Daddy was getting ready to leave for work, we were talking about how this will be the first time since I permanently moved to Belfast that we haven’t slept under the same roof for more than one night.  We have been sleeping in separate bedrooms for awhile, since Mummy sleeps so badly, but at least it is possible to ‘visit’ each other!  Starting tomorrow night I’ll be in hospital and Daddy will be home until at least Sunday.

The plan is that your Granny and Granda will come down from Derry on Saturday and then bring you and I home from hospital on Sunday.  Then your Grandma and Pops with the Watering can (so named by your big cousin in California) will be here the following Tuesday to help out Mummy and Daddy for about 2.5 weeks.  Daddy is off work starting tomorrow for at least two weeks.  So we’ll have lots of help with you!

Mummy and Daddy are going out to dinner tonight, once last hurrah! before we two become we three.  Just around the corner to our favourite little bistro for a nice meal and some quiet time.  Probably our last quiet time for a very long time.

So here it is.  The final countdown:

2 days.

Love

Mummy