Personal Responsibility versus Victim Blaming

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I am really really struggling with this.

There is a thread on Mumsnet where the Original Poster (“OP”) is asking if she was wrong to tell a friend that the friend was stupid for getting blackout drunk in a house full of strangers.

The OP goes on to say that her friend accused her of victim blaming, even though nothing happened to the friend.

And so the discussion begins.

Obviously if something had happened, it would have been in no way the drunk friend’s fault. Someone being passed out drunk on the floor is not an excuse to rape, hurt, steal from or whatever. It just isn’t. If I want to walk down Royal Avenue in Belfast starkers, it’s still not anyone’s right to attack me.

But but but…

But what about personal responsibility? What about how, in this day and age, how incredibly stupid it is to get that drunk in a house full of strangers?

Hell, the stats show that getting that drunk in a room full of friends is actually more dangerous, but that’s not my point.

My point is at what point do we have to accept that we do live in a world where there are people, friend or stranger, who will take advantage of us if we get in such a state? At what point is it our responsibility to make sure we are safe rather than rely on others to watch out for us?

In an ideal world it wouldn’t matter how drunk you got, no matter where you are. We don’t live in an ideal world, do we?

I think it’s one thing to wear a short skirt and makeup and high heels and expect to be left alone.

It’s quite another to be so drunk that you don’t know your own name, never mind where you are or who is with you. There is, of course, an expectation of safety, but is that naive? Is it living in a world that doesn’t actually exist?

I absolutely 100% do not blame any woman anywhere who has ever been raped. And I believe thousands of women all over the world who no one listens to when they say they’ve been raped.

But I also believe, 100%, in personal responsibility. It’s part of being an anarchist, actually. I don’t think it’s anyone’s business how I live or how I raise my son so long as I don’t tread on anyone else’s rights. But I also believe I have a responsibility to live to the best of my ability and be a good person and treat people the way I want to be treated.

And I think part of that is not getting so stinking falling down drunk that you don’t know your own name.

Because it’s not up to anyone else to protect you. It’s up to you to protect yourself.

But, as I said at the start, I struggle with this.

And probably always will.

Let’s Talk About Sex, Baby…

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And pop stars portrayal of same…

By now you’ve at least heard about, if not seen, Miley and Robin’s performance at the VMA’s. He was dressed. She was naked. She acted sleazy. He acted sleazier.

Of course, you only hear how Miley acted. Robin apparently did nothing wrong.

I mean, other than write an incredibly violent and misogynistic song and then pretend to have sex with a young lady on stage during it. A young lady who is, nearly, young enough to be his daughter.

But that’s okay. Right?

Of course it’s not fucking okay. The were both culpable in the sleaze fest that was that performance. And so were the VMA’s, both of their ‘people’ and whomever else watched rehearsals and said ‘Oh yeah, let’s put that on TV!’

And of course whomever thought the song was good enough to record and put on a CD in the first place. I blame them as well.

But mostly, I can’t believe I am going to say this…I blame society. ::cliche klaxons go off all over the world::

Seriously, though. What kind of society do we live in that multitudes of people heard that song, saw that performance and said ‘Yes! Let’s do it! Let’s put this horrible song about hurting women together with a sleazy dance and call it…art?’

And then there are some of the responses. Which aren’t, really, any better than the original.

Take this, the Australian Law Society group, Defined Lines parody of the song. It has scantily clad men and, actually…fairly scantily clad women. The women are degrading the men. The lyrics are about harassment and bigotry and are, supposedly a feminist reaction to the song.

Their reaction is almost as bad in the original. Why?

Because if you want make a statement about harassment being wrong, don’t harass others to do it. The lyrics are okay, I guess, but you can’t fight bigotry with bigotry.

You want to truly rock the world, people?

Do a parody where everyone is fully dressed. Where all parties are treated with respect and dignity.

Just as you can’t teach a child not to hit by hitting him, you can’t teach a man not to harass by harassing him.

You really really can’t.

Nine Years Ago, Right Now…

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4th September 2004, Belfast City Hall

4th September 2004, Belfast City Hall

Why my Twitter and my Facebook are connected

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I read, all over the place, that they shouldn’t be. That the two should be completely separate because they are different tools.

I disagree.

I find I get a lot more interaction on Facebook than on Twitter. Oh sure, people respond to me on Twitter or Favourite a post or re-Tweet. But not nearly as much as they do on Facebook.

So I send my Twitter feed to Facebook.

I could, of course, post to Twitter and then post again onto Facebook. But I’m lazy.

Why use Twitter at all then? Because I like the challenge, really, of figuring out what I want to say in 140 characters without using much, if any, TxtSpk. I like language and playing with language and Twitter can sometimes be like a big jigsaw puzzle of odd sentence construction to get my thoughts out.

I do use Facebook on it’s own as I sometimes have things I need to say in more than 140 characters. But I always feels slightly bereft that I do, as I feel I’m leaving my Tweeps out and making them miss my brilliance. Maybe I should link back…

I do have an exception to this rule. I never send my Mumsnet Belfast Tweets to Facebook or vice versa. Because it’s not me. It’s a page and company I represent and I do use Twitter and Facebook differently on a corporate level.

So why have I combine my company and my personal?

Designed to a Tee’s Twitter and Blog were stagnating. I made the decision it was better to put my personal life into my public life and, maybe, get some personal connections interested in what I do professionally. Networking, in other words.

Because the number one of rule of Social Media? If you’re not using it? There’s no point in having it.

By the way, if  you hear a small explosion from Scotland in the next hour or two, it’s probably my friend and fellow SM expert’s head exploding as she believes the complete opposite of what I put here. Sorry Lynn. 😀

More Changes Coming

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I have come to the executive decision that I will be shutting down the Designed To A Tee blog and Twitter account and combining them with this one.

So if you follow @DTATTWeets or have that blog in a feed reader, go ahead and kill them.

I’ll be tagging any DTAT blog posts with DTAT and part of the (never ending) redesign is going to include a separate tab for those posts on here.

Time to bring my life into one place!

In Which I Propose A Test

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A test to allow people to use the internet.

It is one question:

Do you believe everything you read online?

Answer: Yes.

Your ISP account is removed never to be reinstalled.

Answer: No.

You may continue to use the ‘net.

This is a multi use test that can also be used in regards to newspapers, magazines and books.

In other words: THINK PEOPLE.

If something sounds unbelievable? Don’t believe it.

Here endeth the lesson.

If You Looked Up Classic Abuser in the Dictionary

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Charles Saatchi’s picture is next to it.

Keep running Nigella. You are *so* much better than him.

And Charles? Fuck off.

Can Someone Explain To Me, In Small Words of One Syllable…

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Why people who are committed to each other in a relationship, live together or married or what have you, own a house, raising children etc have ‘his money’ and ‘her money’?

I have specifically made this gender split, BTW, because I don’t think I’ve ever heard of a gay or lesbian couple operating this way. And I know a few.

But it seems perfectly acceptable for a man to have ‘his money’ and a woman to have ‘her money’ and if one is short? They have to borrow from their spouse/partner.

What?!?!

Surely, all money, as all everything else, is joint. Surely, even if one of you makes millions a day and one of you makes pennies it doesn’t matter because it all goes into one account and you both spend what you need/want?

Why on EARTH would anyone, man or woman, agree to anything else?!?!

It’s financial abuse, BTW, to keep your spouse short of money because you can. It’s a form of emotional abuse and control.

Of course, it’s usually the woman who is short and asking to ‘borrow’ money from their spouse. Or, more likely, not daring to ask for the money.

So they go without because if they don’t? Their children will.

Wake up. Smell the financial control. Change it.

Or Leave The Bastard.

It’s a banner day here at Tee’s Blog…

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I have 5 whole followers! I love you all!

Yes, I’ve been drinking. And trying to ignore Girl with the Dragon Tattoo on the TV. I thought the book was over rated. The film is not much better. Simon is, maybe enjoying it.

Sorry. I’m suppose to be political now, right?

Well, I’m pissed as hell that Obama has said the US won’t boycott Russian Olympics. Fuck off.

I’m none too happy that parades in Belfast always end in violence these days. Fuck off.

I’m just, in general, kinda angry at the world tonight. Fuck off.

In other news, Adam’s new nose spray seems to be easing his snoring. No snoring will, hopefully, mean a better nights sleep and no adenoid removal surgery in his future. It does mean, however, that he’s harder to hear on the monitor.

I should probably get to bed.

Fuck off.

Things I’m Tired Of:

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Cops killing kids.

Non-stories about non-anniversaries.

Peadio-fever

And politicians in general.

Collectively?

I’m tired of stupid people.

When are y’all going to make me Queen of the Universe so I can take care of these things?