Why people who are committed to each other in a relationship, live together or married or what have you, own a house, raising children etc have ‘his money’ and ‘her money’?
I have specifically made this gender split, BTW, because I don’t think I’ve ever heard of a gay or lesbian couple operating this way. And I know a few.
But it seems perfectly acceptable for a man to have ‘his money’ and a woman to have ‘her money’ and if one is short? They have to borrow from their spouse/partner.
What?!?!
Surely, all money, as all everything else, is joint. Surely, even if one of you makes millions a day and one of you makes pennies it doesn’t matter because it all goes into one account and you both spend what you need/want?
Why on EARTH would anyone, man or woman, agree to anything else?!?!
It’s financial abuse, BTW, to keep your spouse short of money because you can. It’s a form of emotional abuse and control.
Of course, it’s usually the woman who is short and asking to ‘borrow’ money from their spouse. Or, more likely, not daring to ask for the money.
So they go without because if they don’t? Their children will.
Wake up. Smell the financial control. Change it.
Or Leave The Bastard.
Sometimes there are good reasons for having at least some money separate. For example, if it is a second marriage and the assets each bring to the union are very different; or if one partner comes with a lot of debt; or one partner has real issues and needs to have some money that s/he is not accountable to the partner for; etc. etc. You”re absolutely right that money can be a BIG. Source of control but isn’t always black and white and some partners have better partnerships when some, if not all of their money is separate.
But that’s not what I mean. I mean inequitable splitting or dividing. Not what you are talking about.
What if no one is short, both have what they need and want, bills are paid? We keep our money separate. No ones getting abused. Everyone’s happy.
Then you seem to be the exception that proves the rule.
And I still don’t get it, sorry. I can’t imagine not having totally combined finances in a committed relationship.
It’s one of the things that should go along with committment, IMHO. And it’s my blog so, really, my opinion is the only one that counts. 😀
I’m not sure that you’ve explained yourself very well there Tee, because you say in the comments that you are talking about an inequitable split, whereas your post seems to be able simply “having money that belongs to you and does not belong to the other person”. Which is it?
Personally I would find it rather stressful to have ALL money be joint. I would alternate between feeling guilty if I bought something expensive (or martyrish if I chose not to buy it when I wanted to), and doing mental arithmetic whenever my partner bought something expensive.
I much prefer to have a joint account for joint expenses, and separate accounts for “spending money”. I feel much more relaxed knowing that my spending money is my own, and knowing that if I cannot afford a certain item it is only because of my own choices, or that if I save up to be able to afford something that money isn’t going anywhere.
I do feel strongly that couples with children should get equal amounts of spending money, just as they should also get equal amounts of relaxing time, no matter who earns more money or who works more hours or who does more childcare or household chores.