So I’ve been struggling again. Badly. I haven’t been to work since week before last.
I have mentioned previously that Simon and I are trying to have a baby. We made the decision last night to forget that in order for me to be on meds and living normally.
Then I saw my GP today. She disagrees with this. She thinks I can control the depression and have a baby. I am back on prozac (first med I ever took for this!) for at least the next month, so conception is on hold for at least that long, as prozac + baby = bad bad baby.
It has been a really tough couple of days. Tears, personal recriminations, guilt, etc etc etc. Simon has been, as always, a rock. Saying over and over again, “I want you to be well. It is the most important thing.”
And I know, intellectually, that he is right. That is the most important thing. But I so badly want a baby. And to be healthy.
I hope I can truly have both.
I hope you can too. I made the decision to be child-free because of my disorder, but I know that decision isn’t for everyone.
I hope it works for you…my thoughts are with you, kiddo.
so, I didn’t know that you were fighting this one, too. i stayed on my meds trying to get pregnant, as we were doing all the fertility stuff and my head was a mess. went off my meds for the first trimester, and then back on a lower dose for the other 2, and have taken them all through breastfeeding. i’m on lexipro; wellbutrin worked better, but that is a big red flag for birth defects. i was told to take prozac during, but it makes me feel really static-y.
it’s working; no harm to little bit, and if anything, parenting is helping the depression some. you know how you can’t really do anything for yourself, but for someone else you manage to push through? there is always someone else…exhausting, but helpful!
glad i found your blog and flickr! xxoo Jodi