Phone Rings
“Science Park. This is Robyn.”
“*3723.”
“The eagle flies at midnight.”
*click*
(the above is an actual conversation I had with my husband today on the phone. Aren’t you dying to know what it was about?)
Category Archives: Simon
My Not So Lazy Sunday
Slept until 7!! Go me.
Had some coffee. Ate some breakfast.
Did 45 minutes of Yoga! Go me!! (Simon did it too! Go him!)
About to take a bath and then we are going to see The Dark Knight.
Have a nice day everyone!
I Had An Odd Moment Yesterday
I was waiting for the bus and my book was boring me so I just sort of looked around the world. And I suddenly remembered that when I was small, my mother would let me ride in the car by standing between her seat and the door. And my brother would stand between the seats of the car.
One day we had an accident and my brother and I both happened to be properly in our seats, belted in. I remember my mom saying ‘We were lucky you two were belted in. No more standing up in the car.’
Not only was it weird that I suddenly remembered that for no reason, but it got me to thinking about choices and the possibility of the multi-verse.
The multi-verse theory is that for every decision you make, a new universe is created. So in another universe, I was standing up next to my mother when that accident occurred and I was injured. In another, I was standing up next to my mother when that accident occurred and I died. And so on, for all the millions of permutations of possibility.
And not just choices that we make. But the possibility of things beyond our control. In some other universe I could be about 7 years older, as maybe my mother conceived right away, rather than after trying for years. Maybe the hole in my brother’s heart killed him and I’m an only child.
Or, the most frightening to me of all, maybe I have never met Simon. And am alone.
My Weekend Plans and Other Tales of Drunken Debauchery
So this weekend is Simon’s Sister’s Hen Weekend. I am only joining the girls for part of it, dinner tomorrow night, but I imagine there will be much booze and fun to be had.
Next week is our Building Manager’s leaving do. She doesn’t actually leave until 15th August, but the only day most of us could go out was the 8th, so that’s what we are doing! Will be another night of much booze and fun.
Tonight Simon and I are indulging in some Cava and cake and ice cream, as he was given his permanent contract at work this week.
Diet? What diet?
I Am A Shamless Copy Cat
and a shameless hussy, but that’s a post for another day…
Over at The Pioneer Woman Ree posted an entry about changes in plans and invited her readers to post about their own expectations for their lives versus where they actually were. She, as usual, got over 1,600 replies. I didn’t reply there, perfering to post such a thing here at my own blog. Hopefully Ree won’t mind so much!
So, in my early 20s, where did I think I’d be? Living in NY. Doing theater lighting design. Having a fabulous NY style life! Or at least some city somewhere. Definitely not married. Definitely no kids. Carefree and single, that’s what I would be!
And where am I? Belfast, so I got the city part right! Married, to a man I adore. Trying really hard for kids. Not having worked in any theater anywhere for over 10 years and not missing it at all.
So am I disappointed I didn’t get my glamours NY life? Not at all. I am very happy where I am. In my beautiful flat in Belfast, living my maybe not so exciting but very fullfilling city life.
Go read some of the commnts on Ree’s blog. Some will make you smile. Some will break your heart. All of them have something to say.
Saw My Doctor Today
She is currently going on the theory that lack of sleep is causing all of it. So I have: –
Stronger sleeping pills
migraine sachets (Taste AWFUL!!)
anti-nausea drugs
increased dose of trazadone
The plan is to take a migraine sachet every 12 hours for the next three days to see if that makes the constant ache in the back of my head, and the stronger pain in the front of my head, go away so that when I take the sleeping pills they will work and let me sleep more than 4 – 5 hours at a time which will, hopefully, reduce the nausea in conjunction with the anti-nausea meds. The overall plan is GET ROBYN TO SLEEP and then see how I feel. The increased trazadone is two fold: One, will also help me sleep and two help rid me of any anxiety I may be having over just not feeling well all.the.time.
I am also off work for the next two weeks, hoping that little to no stress will also help me sleep better.
I see her again in a fortnight, and then we’ll see where we are at.
The interesting part was when I called my boss to let him know what is going on, he laughed and said they had just been talking about me, to which I replied “uh oh” to which he replied “no, all good things, really!” So I guess I am not *totally* messing up my career with the Science Park.
Its kinda scary to not know what is wrong with me. To feel like total crap all.the.time. Especially since my biggest symptom is this never ending ache in my head.
How can I not be going “brain tumor, I have a brain tumor!”? Obviously, my doctor doesn’t think that’s the case, or she would send me for a neurological consult, but its still there, in my deepest thoughts. Hopefully getting some good sleep will clear everything up and I can go back to my life.
I’m also kinda wondering when I will catch a break. First I was on heavy meds for my anxiety. Then I get off those and get diagnosed with Type II Diabetes. Then I get *that* under control and this issue comes up. When do I get to be healthy.
Simon, is, as always, a rock. Not pestering me about *anything* including the 3 weeks of unfolded laundry that is currently dumped on the bed in the smaller spare room, aka the library. He just cheerfully digs through it to find matching socks and clean underpants. I guess I should be glad its clean!
So what am I going to do with myself for the next 2ish weeks? Rest. Watch West Wing on DVD. Try to find a dress for my Sister In Law’s wedding in September.
And maybe fold some laundry.
Reading
Reading is one of my great pleasures. Anyone who has seen the pictures of our flat will realize that my husband and I are *huge* bibliophiles.
So, what is on those shelves?
A plethora of things. I like Mysteries, with Laurie R King being one of my favorites. Simon likes Alternate Histories. We both read Science Fiction.
Some of the books on our shelves are unmitigated trash. And we know this. Occasionally we like to read trash. No romance novel trash, but adventure novel trash. A big favorite is Matthew Reilly, the man of !!! and 2 sentence chapters. And the 59th Minutes of the 11th Hour Saves. We both enjoy him.
Some of the books on our shelves are first editions. I have several Firsts by Robert A Heinlein, my favorite Science Fiction Author, hands down. I have every book he ever wrote, including the ones written for him posthumously. And I have several of them in both cheap paperback and First Edition. If you ever come to my house, please ask before reading any of my Heinlein books, thanks. I am trying to keep the Firsts in good condition!
We also read humour. Simon likes UK political humour. I am a huge Dave Barry fan.
And we have comic books, all kinds of comic books. Graphic Novels, single issue, you name it, we have it.
We both read, constantly. I always have a book with me. And so does Simon.
Reading is, indeed, fundamental.
Playing Games
I like games. Puzzle games especially. But I am also a big Feeding Frenzy fanatic. We have it for the XBox 360.
What I like about it is that it starts slow and builds up in good stages. First level is just you and the fish who can eat you. Then they add additional predators and things to eat, until there is so much going on the screen you are dashing around like a maniac! A lot of games ramp up too fast, but Feeding Frenzy is just perfect.
But mostly what I play are puzzle games. Picross for the DS is my favorite, hands down. I play it over and over, trying to beat my times on each puzzle. I also play Denki Blocks for the Game Boy Advance, which can be played on the DS.
And I have recently purchased Crush for the PSP. Also a lot of fun but HARD!
And in case you’re wondering, Simon and I own: a PS2, an Xbox, an Xbox 360, Two Nientendo DSes and a PSP.
Yes, we are geeks, thanks for asking.
Depression and Getting Things Done
Well, I would say the meds don’t work. I had lots of plans for this weekend. Building the final bookcase. Cleaning the flat.
Neither of these things happened. I spent most of today asleep. I did do some stuff yesterday, but not as much as I was hoping to do.
I hate it when I get like this, even though I know I can’t help it. And I guess it is better to do it on the weekend, rather than during the week. I will go to work tomorrow. I have to. I have a meeting and board papers to write. I have to be there. People are relying on me.
Simon relies on me as well, but the basic stuff is done. Clothes are clean. Groceries are ordered for the week. We had a nice dinner.
But I still feel bad that I didn’t get more done this weekend.
I’m sure I’ll get over it.
Depression and Guilt
The biggest problem, for me, with my depression, is the guilt I start to feel as I start to come out of the black place.
Guilt that my flat is a mess. Guilt that my Admin Team at work has got to be covering for me. Guilt for lying to my parents and saying I was fine, when I was not.
That last one, lying to my parents guilt, is probably the least guilt laden. Not that I enjoy lying to my parents, I don’t, I never have. I have usually told them everything. But I get tired. I get tired of my dad saying ‘how are you really?’ Really? I’m pretty crappy thanks for asking. I also get tired of talking about how I feel. Are you down? Anxious? Happy? Sad? All of the above?
Its exhausting. I know they ask because they care, but it is still exhausting. I have to repeat myself over and over, first telling my mom, and then my dad, how I am really. They’re divorced, so its not like I can say “And now you tell Dad, Mom.” Cuz he isn’t standing there next to her. He’s about 600 miles away!
As for my Admin Team, I think that carries the most guilt. I know they are my friends and are mostly concerned for me, but I know how aggravated I get when one of them is out for a few days and I have to cover for them. I do it, of course, that’s part of being a team, but I bitch about it. I can’t imagine how much they are annoyed at me at the moment. But its probably a lot. And I don’t blame them.
Without me there, some one is covering the CEO. That can be a full time job, depending on what is going on at the moment. I manage to cover him and the DF&A and the DCRE&F when I am there, but its always a juggling act. The answer to the question ‘Robyn, are you busy?’ is ‘I’m always busy, what do you need?’
As for the messy flat? Its actually not that messy. Simon and I have a good system for splitting up chores and at least his are getting done! Mine will get done over the next few days, including the last two book shelves put together and the books unpacked.
But I still feel guilty.