Category Archives: Personal

9 Weeks Today…

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So the blob is nearly 2cm and has hands and feet.  And eyelids!

Unfortunately, mommy has antenatal depression.  As you all know, I am a depressive anyway, and all these hormones are making me very depressed.  Can’t see my doctor until next week, so I’m trying to muddle through, but it is very hard.

This is what worries me the most about having this baby.  Becoming completely non-functional at some point.  I know it is actually a silly worry as I have never been so depressed that I didn’t at least eat and bathe myself, so I imagine I will be the same with a baby.  And I am hardly alone in this.  Simon is always wonderful when I am depressed.

But it is a worry.  And I know it is one my family shares.

We shall just have to wait and see how it works out.

I Remember, When My Sister in Law

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Was pregnant with her oldest daughter, my niece S, she called in to work one day asking if anyone had gotten the license plate of the truck that hit her.  When she returned to work, someone had drawn her a picture of a license plate with the word ‘baby’ as the plate number.

I wonder if she still has that and if she’d send it to me.  Because the same truck seems to have hit me yesterday and today.  Hopefully I’ll feel better tomorrow, because I have a huge meeting on Friday to prepare for!

No one tells you how much pregnancy truly sucks.  You’re tired.  You ache.  You feel sick.  You pee all.the.time.  Add getting used to insulin and new Blood Glucose levels on top of that? Yeah, work just not happening today.

I’m thinking about writting a petition to the government.  I will propose that women get to start their maternity leave from the moment that little stick says pregnant and get to stay on it until the kid starts full time school.  At full pay.  With your job held until you want to come back.

Anyone want to sign my petition?

So, I’ve Been On Insulin for Nearly a Week

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and my levels are coming down to where they want them.  And I finally gained a pound, which I thought I might have, as I had to put two more pairs of trousers in the ‘wear after baby born’ pile.

I did have my first hypo (low blood sugar) Thursday night.  I was worried because my levels were within where they wanted them, but I felt horrible.  But when I spoke to the Diabetic nurse she said my body would get used to lower levels, and the next time it was at that level, I felt fine, so I guess she was right!

Other than the out of control Blood Glucose and slightly achy breasts, I don’t feel pregnant at all.  Well, I am weepy, which is annoying, but I am no more tired than usual (since I have not had a decent nights sleep in what feels like eons) and I don’t think I am running to the toilet any more than usual.  I’m really glad we saw the heartbeat this week, or I’d be really worried.

I am finding the insulin to not be that big of a deal.  I mean, I would love to be eating like the women on my pregnancy board, who are totally pigging on chocolate and cakes and crisps and such.  But other than that, I am not finding it hard.  I am actually surprised that people do find it to be hard.  But I guess that’s a personality thing.

As far as names go, Simon and I have only decided on one thing.  That it should be something easy to spell!  No weird spellings for us!  We both get annoyed enough with the ‘y’ in my first name and the 3 different ways to spell our surname!  So the name will be something easy.  We’re just not sure what that will be yet!

So, I’m A Diabetic Mommy…

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Have already had two appointments with my Endocrinologist. And have started on insulin.

I was dreading insulin. Always sounded like such a pain, and giving myself shots? YIKES!

But, honestly, it hasn’t been that big of a deal.  The shots don’t hurt, thanks to teeny tiny fine needles, the insulin comes pre-loaded in a pen, so I just screw on a needle, set to the right amount, insert into my tummy and push the button!  TA DA!

And it is definitely making a difference.  Last week my levels were 10, 12, 13, which is really really high.  A non-diabetic level is usually 7 or 8.  And this week? I’ve been 6 and 7 and 8, with a few 10s.  Endo wants it to be 3.5 – 5.5 before meals and under 8 after meals, and I’m almost there.  We are still adjusting my units.  I call every day to read them my numbers and get a new dosage.

And the nice thing about being on such a strict diet? So far I haven’t gained an ounce.  Of course, that will change soon enough!

18th October 2008

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Today I found out that I am pregnant.

I am writing it on the day, but won’t post it for several weeks, if not months, as Simon and I are only telling family and close friends right now.

I am anxious, excited, scared, happy, worried, overjoyed.

Right now, based on my calculations, I am due June 26, 2009.  Which happens to be my mother and step-father’s wedding anniversary!

It is times like this that I hate how far away I live from my family.  We have spoken to Simon’s parents and his sister.  I have to wait another 3 hours or so before I can call mine.  Not to mention that I am not exactly sure where my mother is.  I think she’s still in California, but I am not positive.

When I didn’t get my period yesterday, I was cautiously optimistic.  And dreamt all night long that I was taking home pregnancy tests.  In half the dreams it was positive and in half it was negative.  Then I got up at 6:45.  And it was positive.  And I woke up Simon to tell him.  “Um, honey, this stick says pregnant!!”  “TEST AGAIN!!”  Which I couldn’t do because that was my last stick.

We bought more today and I tested again.  Still pregnant.

Ran right out and purchased ‘What to Expect When You’re Expecting.”   Very helpful.

Also nosed around Mothercare.  I think I want a Moses Basket.  And the clothes, OMG cute!

I will be 40 when the baby is born.  And 58 when it goes to University.  God Help Me.  I’m gonna need it!

Had a Very Productive Day ™

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Simon dusted and hoovered the front room (he even took the glass parts out of the coffee table and cleaned them!) while I sorted laundry and cleaned the bathrooms.

Last thing to do tonight is change our sheets and put up clean towels.  I do love a clean flat!

To answer Hazel’s question, just bought some books and groceries yesterday, so nothing too exciting!  Well, Neil Gaiman’s new book, I guess that’s a bit exciting!

Still feeling a bit blah, but hopefully will up for work tomorrow.  If not, it is off to the doctor for sure.

Thanks Hazel!

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For saying that you missed me.  Even little things like that help.

Saw the neurologist today.  Nothing wrong with my brain.  I am just a person who gets headaches.  He didn’t want to give any meds since we are trying to conceive.  So I just get to be headachy.  All the figgin’ time.

I wish I could say I was feeling better, but I am really not.  Took all my energy and willpower to make it to the doctor today.  If I am not feeling better by Monday, I will call my doctor and go see her.

No big plans for the weekend, although I’d like to see if we can get the flat clean.  It really needs it.

I know its been awhile

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But I’ve been in that place.  That dark scary can’t think, can’t sleep, sleep too much, don’t eat, eat too much, don’t talk, won’t look at my husband, don’t look at anyone, get back to flat as soon as possible, don’t speak, don’t think place.

Until yesterday I hadn’t left my flat since the Friday before.  I haven’t been to work.  I’ve been no where.  I only left yesterday to get chocolate and smokes.

That place is bad.  I am still half there, but can feel myself leaving it, slowly.

Lesson learned?  Don’t decrease your meds when you are feeling well.  You are feeling well because of your meds.  So keep it at 100g.  Don’t be stupid, just do it.

Me and Nike, we’re likethis.