Tomorrow is a very special day…

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tomorrow is my niece’s 8th birthday.  It is also my brother’s 41st birthday. She was the best birthday present he ever got.

Her original due date was 15th April, tax day in the States.  When my brother heard that he said ‘Nope, she’ll be born on the 18th.’  And she was.

My first view of her was being held by a nurse by her head and her heels, screaming her head off, just a few moments after she was born.  I was suppose to be in the room when she was born, but my sister in law had some difficulty so my niece was an emergency C-Section.  I have never seen my brother beam as bright as when he was standing next to that nurse as she held his first  child.

She’s my special girl.  So is her sister.  I miss them both every day.

Happy Birthday for Tomorrow, my special girl.  And to my brother too!

First Day Back at Work

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Its always tough coming back after being off for awhile, whether off for sick or off for holiday. So many things just don’t get done when I am not there.

Our receptionist did a good job covering the CEO for me, so that’s not too messed up.  His diary looks to be in okay shape.  Luckily he didn’t try to do things himself, he always messes it up.

Why is grown men can’t keep their own diaries?  Back when I worked for the insurance company in the States, I was the PA to a VP.  I used to threaten to have cards made up for him to hand out when he was at meetings saying “I am not allowed to book my own appointments.  Please call Robyn on…..”  He never let me though.

Even with Blackberry’s and other PDAs, I can’t trust the SMT with their own diaries.  Makes me CRAZY!

Anyway, I’m back at work.  And I spent the past two days doing website updates.  And getting letters organized.  And other assorted PA type stuff.

Who knows what tomorrow will bring…

Lazy Sunday…

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Really not much else to say.  Just hanging out, sleeping, doing some business type stuff (US TAXES YAY!).

Still have two bookcases to put together. Maybe after dinner?  Maybe not.

In other news, my niece, who will be 8 in 5 days, now has a blog.  When the heck did she grow up?

That’s really all.  Back to work tomorrow, I hope.

So Today

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I feel physically ill.  Head-achy and nauseous and such.  Hence the killing of the plan of fish and ‘taters and carrots for dinner in favour of soup and plain rice and some 7-UP.  Simon’s run to the local Chinese.

Been a quiet day, with a bit of tidying, the watching of West Wing Season 1 and some laundry.  Also finished my latest Puzzle Globe.  Next puzzle will actually be flat and normal.  Its of kitty cats.  Cartoon kitty cats.

So yeah, not much to say.  Maybe more to say tomorrow.

The View From the New Flat

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God, all this depression talk, is depressing me.  🙂  Time to move on to something else for a bit.

The view from the new flat is a brand new building.  Its been finished about 2 or 3 months.  It houses a hotel and a business of some kind.

Occasionally there are very late meetings at the business.  We can see into their big meeting room from our balcony, and I mean very late.  I think it was last week that there were 2 men and 3 women in that room until about 9pm.  Very weird.  Looked kind of like a board meeting, but so late?

Down the street a bit is a health club.  I think about joining it on occasion.  But I doubt I ever will.

This morning the Harbour Police were parked across the street.  Bit out of their jurisdiction, since, not the harbour!  City Centre, actually.  Very strange.

So it isn’t the most beautiful view in the world, from our Flat.  But its ever changing!

Depression and Guilt

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The biggest problem, for me, with my depression, is the guilt I start to feel as I start to come out of the black place.

Guilt that my flat is a mess. Guilt that my Admin Team at work has got to be covering for me. Guilt for lying to my parents and saying I was fine, when I was not.

That last one, lying to my parents guilt, is probably the least guilt laden. Not that I enjoy lying to my parents, I don’t, I never have. I have usually told them everything. But I get tired. I get tired of my dad saying ‘how are you really?’ Really? I’m pretty crappy thanks for asking. I also get tired of talking about how I feel. Are you down? Anxious? Happy? Sad? All of the above?

Its exhausting. I know they ask because they care, but it is still exhausting. I have to repeat myself over and over, first telling my mom, and then my dad, how I am really. They’re divorced, so its not like I can say “And now you tell Dad, Mom.” Cuz he isn’t standing there next to her. He’s about 600 miles away!

As for my Admin Team, I think that carries the most guilt. I know they are my friends and are mostly concerned for me, but I know how aggravated I get when one of them is out for a few days and I have to cover for them. I do it, of course, that’s part of being a team, but I bitch about it. I can’t imagine how much they are annoyed at me at the moment. But its probably a lot. And I don’t blame them.

Without me there, some one is covering the CEO. That can be a full time job, depending on what is going on at the moment. I manage to cover him and the DF&A and the DCRE&F when I am there, but its always a juggling act. The answer to the question ‘Robyn, are you busy?’ is ‘I’m always busy, what do you need?’

As for the messy flat?  Its actually not that messy.  Simon and I have a good system for splitting up chores and at least his are getting done!  Mine will get done over the next few days, including the last two book shelves put together and the books unpacked.

But I still feel guilty.

Depression and Having a Baby

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So I’ve been struggling again. Badly. I haven’t been to work since week before last.

I have mentioned previously that Simon and I are trying to have a baby. We made the decision last night to forget that in order for me to be on meds and living normally.

Then I saw my GP today. She disagrees with this. She thinks I can control the depression and have a baby. I am back on prozac (first med I ever took for this!) for at least the next month, so conception is on hold for at least that long, as prozac + baby = bad bad baby.

It has been a really tough couple of days. Tears, personal recriminations, guilt, etc etc etc. Simon has been, as always, a rock. Saying over and over again, “I want you to be well. It is the most important thing.”

And I know, intellectually, that he is right.  That is the most important thing.  But I so badly want a baby.  And to be healthy.

I hope I can truly have both.

Okay, Before One More Person Asks Me…

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Yes, I have to fill out a US Tax Return.  No, I do not have to pay any US Taxes.  I do not make enough money, thank god.

I basically have to fill out this one form that says ‘this is how much I make a year in US Dollars, based on an average of the exchange rate over the last 12 months.’  Then I have to fill out another part of that form that says ‘this is how many days I was in the US on business last year.’  Then I have to fill out a 1040 (not a 1040a, an actual full 1040) with nothing but zeros, sign it, send it to the States and VIOLA, done for another year.

My deadline is the same as everyone else’s, April 15.  I will be filling out all of those zeros this week (it takes about 10 minutes) and getting it into the post.  Has to be postmarked April 15.  Doesn’t have to be there by then.

Apparently if I ever *do* make enough money here to need to pay taxes there, I will need to higher an expert on this sort of thing because apparently it is very complicated.  As of right now, I send what I think is the right form to my US accountant, who I, very sweetly, call ‘daddy’, via email and he looks it over and says ‘yup, that’s it’ or ‘nope, try this one’.

I think I will link back to this post every year.  That way I never have to answer this question again.  Right?

Well, I’ve Been Trying to Update

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But we’ve been having technical problems all weekend with the ‘net.  Some sites were available, some were not.  This one was not.

It was some weird Virgin Media thing.  Their ‘engineers were working on the problem’ all freakin’ weekend.

So I spent the weekend putting together flat pack furniture.  Still have two bookcases to go.  But the wall unit in the front room is done.  And half empty.  I need to go buy some more stuff. 😉

Nothing much else to write about.  Been a quiet couple of days.

So I Was Out Shopping Yesterday

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Since I took yesterday and today off.  Yesterday was so I could wait for our landlord to do their quarterly ‘inspection.’  Basically I stood there while some chick from their office wandered around.  We have no idea exactly what they were looking for.  But I guess we passed.

So then I went shopping.  I popped over and picked up the two pairs of boots I just had resoled.  They both now look brand new.  Then I wandered through House of Fraser.  Always up for a little retail therapy, I wandered into their lingerie section.  They have some beautiful things.  Only I didn’t buy any of them.  Why? Because I cannot bring myself to spend £50 on just a bra, when I can get basically the same bra and matching  pants for about £32 at Marks and Spencer.  Just crazy prices.

So I left House of Big Spending and went over to M&S.  And got two sets for…£32.  I really can’t see House of Fraser making it in this town.

Today I had to stay home and wait for our Argos delivery.  Which has now arrived.  Four more bookcases and 3 cubes.  The cubes go together to make a display/storage cabinet for the dining area of the front room.  And with four bookcases, Simon and I will actually have room for not only the books we own, but more books to buy!

So, the hope is to have everything but together and then filled with stuff by Sunday night.  And then, finally, we’ll be unpacked.

Who wants to come to the house warming party?