As Much As I Admire Charles Darwin

the way my nights are going right now disproves his theory of survival of the fittest.

Let’s go back millions of years.  There is a little cave family, Urg, the male, Arg, the female and Blargh, their baby.  Blargh is about 9 months old and had been sleeping great.  Then one night he wakes with a resounding wail!!  Urg and Arg jump up to see what’s wrong and discover, Oh Joy! Oh Rapture! A tooth!!

But wait, there, in their cave, there is no Calpol.  Or Nurophen. Or Children’s Tylenol.  Not even Nelson’s Teetha powder.  Or a ‘fridge to stick a wet cloth into to make it cold.  Poor little Blargh just has to suffer through.

And suffer he does.  And so do his parents as every night’s sleep is broken by poor wee Blargh crying his eyes out with the pain of the teeth coming in.  And then it stops. Oh Joy! Oh Rapture…dammit here comes another one and it starts over.

And then one morning, after being up half the night with Blargh and Arg, Urg realizes there is no meat in the house. He grabs his spear and heads out.  Arg realizes she must gather while he hunts.

During the hunt, Urg eyes can barely stay open and therefore he does not notice the sabertooth tiger sneaking up behind him.  Poor Urg, eaten by a tiger.

During her gathering, Arg can barely keep her eyes open.  She falls asleep by the river.  Blargh falls out of her arms and drowns (I never said this was a happy story).  When she awakens and finds him dead she goes to find Urg.  She finds him dead as well.  She goes off and finds a new mate.  One whose previous children had no teething issues.  Oh wait, there is no such thing.

My point, and I do have one, is if survival of the fittest was true, babies today would not suffer so much with teething.

Because their ancestors who have teething problem babies would have died from exhaustion.

Posted in Adam.

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