Making A Hard Decision…

So for the past two weeks or so I’ve been sleeping really really badly. Nothing in particular is going on, just my weird brain chemistry that once in awhile sends me into early morning wake ups. As in 0400 and earlier.

Adding to that is the fact that Adam has been having some mild nightmares. They are so mild that, although he cries out in his sleep and disturbs me, he doesn’t even wake up. But once I’ve heard him, I’m on red alert until I am sure he’s back to sleep. Which means I am up for sometimes an hour, or more, as I resettle myself again.

There is also the weird thing that he seems to have these just as I am managing to drift back off after a ridiculously early awaking. And then I have to resettle me to get back to sleep. And then the alarm goes off…

So I made the decision today to turn off the baby monitor once I’m in bed.

I have agonized over this decision. Simon and I agreed, long before Adam was much more than a lump in my tummy, that we’d never leave a baby to cry. We agreed that it was mean and just not worth the agony. When a baby cries, it needs something. And sometimes that thing is just it’s mummy and/or daddy.

It’s been a tough 3 years of bad sleep for all because of this decision, but at this point Adam more or less goes to bed on time and falls asleep on his own, in his own bed. He has wobbles, he’s 3 after all, and sometimes wakes up in the middle of the night asking to sleep with me. And I do.

But for the most part he sleeps and sleeps well.

Except for his disturbed dreams. Which seem to pass quickly. And then he’s sound asleep and I’m wide awake.

So tonight the monitor goes off.

I’m still not exactly sure how I feel about it…

Quick add now that I’ve seen a comment…he can’t come get me. His door is gated as he can’t be trusted to come and get me and not just go downstairs on his own and do who knows what. Also, the doors in our house are really hard to open when closed and I can’t sleep with my door open. That’s why we’ve had the monitor so long!