Letter to My Baby – Adam Jacob – Now 4 Days Old

Note: This is a letter I started the day after he was born and added to a bit every day while I was in the hospital.

12th June 2009

Dear Adam

Yesterday you were born.  I was one of the happiest days of my life, tied with the day I married your father.

You were born at 10:36am at the maternity hospital here in Belfast.  You weighed 8lbs 10oz.  My big boy!  You were born with quite a bit of darkish hair.  Your eyebrows and eyelashes are so faint and blond, just like your Daddy’s.

As I write this I don’t know what colour your eyes are as you haven’t opened them.  You see, you are a little ill, having some trouble breathing so you are not with me, you’re down in the Special Care Baby Unit (SCBU) on oxygen and in an incubator so you are nice and warm.

The doctors are hopeful that you will be out in just a few days.

It was so hard for Mummy when they took you away.  She was still under a spinal block from the CS that delivered you so she was stuck in bed, not even able to lift you out of your cot without help and they took you away.  She knows it was for the best, to get you the best care and get you well, but she was still very sad.

At first they let you stay in Mummy’s room in an incubator, but eventually they moved you to SCBU.  As soon as the doctors let them, Mummy and Daddy went down to see you.  They got to talk to you and touch you.  Mummy was in a wheelchair, but she was determined!!

Today Mummy should be back on her feet.  And she will spend as much time with you as possible, as will Daddy.

Granny and Granda will be here tomorrow as they can only see you on the weekends.

Mummy is recovering well, but will be in hospital until at least Sunday.  She’s praying that you will get to come home with her, but the doctors don’t know yet.

Things I already know about you:

When your allowed to sleep on your side, you tuck your hands under your face, just like Mummy.  When you cry, which hasn’t been often so far, a hand on your tummy seems to calm you down.  And so far you seem very even tempered.

Your name, as you know, is Adam Jacob.  Adam is for your Daddy’s grandfather, your granny’s father.  Jacob is for your Mummy’s grandfather, the father of your Pops with the swimming pool.  His middle name was Jacob.  His first name was Harrison, but when Mummy mentioned naming you that to a few people thought it was for Harry Potter!  So she and Daddy decided his middle name was better.  It is also to honour your Great Aunt Janice, who died a few months ago.  So, in a small way, you are named for a girl!!  But not really. 🙂

Your Daddy says you have Mummy’s features, but she just doesn’t see it.

Grandma and Pops with the watering can will be here on Wednesday for a nice long visit.  Hopefully you will be home by then.  Or not too long after that.

You being a boy was a bit of a shock to everyone except Mummy, who just had a feeling you were a boy!  Everyone else was positive you were a girl, but Mummy was right!!

The lovely midwife on morning shift has just rung down to see how you are.

You are off the CPAP!!!  So your breathing on your own with a bit of ambient oxygen in the incubator.

Daddy will be here in about an hour and we will go see you.

Well, you are off the CPAP, my child, because you fought it, not because you don’t need it.  It was stressing you out so badly the doctors decided you were better off without it.

However, like a good boy, while Daddy and I were with you, you opened your eyes!  They are very very dark blue.  Mummy doesn’t know if they’ll stay that way, but she hopes so!

Oh, and your hair is definitely black.  So Mummy’s hair and Daddy’s eyebrows and eyelashes!

The Docs say that there are 3 things you need to do to come home: –

1. Slow down your breathing.
2. Have more regular blood sugar levels.
3. Suck on bottle or breast.

Once you have done those 3 things? Home you come!  So get to it! 🙂

Daddy just left.  He and Mummy were with you for about an hour.   Mummy walked down under her own power, so now she can come down any time she wants.

They have stopped your feeding because they were afraid you’d choke, so now you have an IV line in your belly button.  SCBU staff say it doesn’t hurt.

A doctor said your breathing will probably straighten out in 3 – 5 days.  So maybe we’ll know more by Sunday.

Grandma with the pool said to Mummy today, ‘You’re wrong. He doesn’t look like Winston Churchill.  He’s beautiful.’  And you are.

13th June 2009

It would appear that mummy is back to her pre-pregnancy insomnia.  Wide awake at 4am.  She was really hoping to have stopped that!

Mummy’s been thinking about all the things she has already missed.  A midwife named Gillian did your first nappy change.  One named Noeleen tried to do your first feed.  Someone unknown did your first wash.  It makes her sad.

So, she’ll just have to make rituals out of those things once you’re home!  First home bath, first home feed, first home nappy change.

Mummy just got back from seeing you.  Your blood sugar is fine! Your O2 is up a bit because you had a hard night.  And a small fever, but they are not really worried.  They think it is just because your little body is working so hard to get enough O2.

And I take back the even tempered comment.  You were being a big ole cry baby this morning!

We had a bad afternoon when Mummy was down to see you again after lunch and they had turned your O2 up again.  You are very stressed and crying, probably because you are very hungry.  IV with glucose gives you nutrition, it doesn’t fill your empty tummy.  Maybe tomorrow they’ll be able to feed you a bit.

14 June 2009

Went and saw you about 5am.  You had a pretty good night, with about 2ml of formula.  The consultant decided you were to hungry to relax, so a bit of food was allowed.

You were sound asleep from about 3am.  So I watched you sleep for awhile.

Your O2 is 38% and your breathing is getting a bit better.

Mummy feels much better today.  But still hasn’t been able to express any milk.  She is hoping to soon.

Mummy saw you just after her dinner.  Your O2 was at 34% which is the lowest its been!!

Mummy is going home tomorrow.  She wishes you were coming with her.  Maybe on Wednesday.

Mummy is still not getting any milk for you.  She feels a bit like a bad Mummy.  She can’t even touch you right now because it stresses you out.  She knows you are going to be fine, eventually.  She just wishes it was now.

15 June 2009

Mummy is *so* happy.  She made her early morning visit and Pat, the nurse on duty, said “Would you like a treat?”  Mummy was thinking she meant to let Mummy change your nappy.  Nope.

Mummy held you!!!  For about 20 minutes!!!  It was the best ever.

Daddy will be purple with envy.  He’ll get his turn.  Maybe even later today.

You had a good night.  You are on 34% O2 and 2mls of milk.   Your temp is down, your Blood Sugar is fine.  And your breathing is getting better.  We have some progress!!

If your O2 need keeps going down at the same rate, you might be home by the end of the week.  Its gone down 6% since yesterday and needs to go down another 13% to be at normal air.  So really, not that far to go.

In other good news, Mummy’s milk seems to be coming in. So we can get you that soon.

It was such a nice snuggle but, man, are you heavy!!  Mummy, of course, knew that you weighed over 8lbs, but holding 8lbs! Wow! My good hefty boy!

That was as far as I wrote while in hospital with you, my son.  As of this morning you are off your O2 and breathing fine.  Your blood sugar is fine.  Just need to get your temp down and your suck and swallow function up and running!  You’ll be home soon, my son!