Category Archives: Personal

Words Words Words

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So, when I was about 12 or so, my mother more or less went on a crusade, the ‘Robyn is too old to call me Mommy crusade.” Every time I called her Mommy, she would tell me I was too old to call her that.

I hated that crusade. And to this day? I still call her Mommy on occasion. Because even at 39? Sometimes you still need your mommy.

And as for Dad versus Daddy? No matter how old I get, I’ll call him Daddy.

I don’t see anything wrong with calling my Mom Mommy or my Dad Daddy. What does age have to do with it? Is it childish? Perhaps. Is that automatically a bad thing? I don’t think so.

Interestingly, my 68 year old Mother still calls her dad, (who passed away about, gosh, 30 years ago?) Daddy when she is talking to her sisters about him. So I guess it is okay in her head for girls to call their fathers daddy until the end of time.

But not okay for boys to do so, as she also had a crusade against one of my brothers who still called my step-father daddy. (BTW, I am going to get a verbal spanking for calling these crusades. Mom’s gonna hate that word. Just so you know).

But they were crusades, nay obsessions, to stop myself and my brother from using Mommy and Daddy because we were too old. I still think its bullshit.

Of course, she has always called her mother Mother. Well, that’s not true. Because once my cousins and sibs started having children, my grandmother started to be called Grannie Annie by one and all. And we still call her this, years after her passing.

So, he will always be Daddy to me. And on occasion? She’ll still be Mommy.

Sorry…Mommy.

I Did IT!

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So I’ve had in my head what I wanted the dress I am going to wear to Simon’s sister’s wedding to look like. And I found it!

Dress!!

I have a navy swing, two button, collarless hip length jacket that I will wear with it. I can’t find a picture of that online, however.

So…shoes…navy or beige? What do you think?

I Slept Eight Hours Last Night!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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With the help of pills, but I feel *great*!! Well, great is an overstatement. I am still nauseaus and have a headache (although that went away yesterday for a bit, the headache at least), but awake wise? I.Feel.Great!!

After what happened at my office a few weeks ago, the thing that made me lose some respect for my SMT, which I have decided to *not* blog about in detail, I have been thinking a lot about living in this country but not growing up here. You see, the thing that happened very much had to do with the religious aspects of this country. And how things can be taken by people with strong religious beliefs.

And I thought that maybe I was overreacting to the thing that happened at work since I didn’t grow up here, but I took a short poll around my office, and no, the SMT *were* being idiots. It had nothing to do with growing up during the troubles.

There are *so* many things about living in Northern Ireland that are different from living in the US (and even the rest of the UK). I have T-shirts from when I lived in the US that I would never wear here. I would also never wear my Star of David. And I would love to own and wear this t-shirt but I never would. Heck, I used to get weird looks when I wore a T-shirt I used to have that had a picture of Margaret from Dennis the Menace on it saying “Someday a woman will be president!”

So, in some ways I feel oppressed here in Northern Ireland. Which is not a good feeling. At all.

Saw My Doctor Today

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She is currently going on the theory that lack of sleep is causing all of it. So I have: –

Stronger sleeping pills
migraine sachets (Taste AWFUL!!)
anti-nausea drugs
increased dose of trazadone

The plan is to take a migraine sachet every 12 hours for the next three days to see if that makes the constant ache in the back of my head, and the stronger pain in the front of my head, go away so that when I take the sleeping pills they will work and let me sleep more than 4 – 5 hours at a time which will, hopefully, reduce the nausea in conjunction with the anti-nausea meds. The overall plan is GET ROBYN TO SLEEP and then see how I feel. The increased trazadone is two fold: One, will also help me sleep and two help rid me of any anxiety I may be having over just not feeling well all.the.time.

I am also off work for the next two weeks, hoping that little to no stress will also help me sleep better.

I see her again in a fortnight, and then we’ll see where we are at.

The interesting part was when I called my boss to let him know what is going on, he laughed and said they had just been talking about me, to which I replied “uh oh” to which he replied “no, all good things, really!” So I guess I am not *totally* messing up my career with the Science Park.

Its kinda scary to not know what is wrong with me. To feel like total crap all.the.time.  Especially since my biggest symptom is this never ending ache in my head.

How can I not be going “brain tumor, I have a brain tumor!”?  Obviously, my doctor doesn’t think that’s the case, or she would send me for a neurological consult, but its still there, in my deepest thoughts.  Hopefully getting some good sleep will clear everything up and I can go back to my life.

I’m also kinda wondering when I will catch a break.  First I was on heavy meds for my anxiety.  Then I get off those and get diagnosed with Type II Diabetes.  Then I get *that* under control and this issue comes up.  When do I get to be healthy.

Simon, is, as always, a rock.  Not pestering me about *anything* including the 3 weeks of unfolded laundry that is currently dumped on the bed in the smaller spare room, aka the library.  He just cheerfully digs through it to find matching socks and clean underpants.  I guess I should be glad its clean!

So what am I going to do with myself for the next 2ish weeks?  Rest.  Watch West Wing on DVD.  Try to find a dress for my Sister In Law’s wedding in September.

And maybe fold some laundry.

Okay, Well

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one goods night sleep is just not enough. Slept badly last night as well. Still feeling pretty ill.

So, as usual, I had a really good yarn with my mom on the phone today.  I talk to her most Sundays.

Today we mostly talked about being a mom versus being a grandmom.  You see, her mom wasn’t exactly the ‘milk and cookies’ kind of grandmom.  And I always wished she was.

My mom isn’t exactly the ‘milk and cookies’ kind of grandmom either mostly  because she believes in eating healthy and never gives out sweets!  Not even to her grandchildren (of which she has 10, and, technically, 1 great grandchild)!

As I said to her on the phone today, I get jealous.  Cuz she might be a pain in the ass as a mother, but she is a fantastic grandmother.  To which replied “I am not a bad mother!” to which I replied “I didn’t say you were bad, I said you were a pain the ass!”

This led to a conversation about dying.  And how she hopes that when she dies I don’t feel too sad because I will have come to terms with whatever is between us by then, like she did with her mom.  I said I highly doubted that would be the case, as we are much closer than she was with her mom.  Simon, who was overhearing this, yelled out “Tell her not to worry, we’ll build her a statue!” To which I replied, “You’ve got it backwards, she wants us to shrug our shoulders and say, ‘oh well, she’s dead!’ To which he replied “Tell her I already feel that way!!”

My mom was laughing so hard I thought she’d choke.

My mom is a good mom.  I was, shall we say, a difficult child and teenager (that snort you just heard was my step-father choking on his diet coke from the understatement.  It came from the direction of Florida).  In truth? I was a 100% grade A brat.  I am sometimes not sure how any of us survived.  But we did. Thanks to my mom.

So, thanks mom.  For putting up with me through those years.  For wanting to spare me any pain at your death (Oh, well, she’s dead!). And for understanding and laughing so hard at my husband.

Love you.

It Finally Occured to Me

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that my nausea might be caused by high blood glucose levels.  So I tested my blood last night specifically when I was nauseous.  Nope, not the cause.  Perfectly normal.

I don’t test very often.  I don’t really see the point for a non-medicated Type II diabetic.  I do a 24 hour profile once in awhile, but other than that? Not so much.

You see, the true reason to test your blood is to see if you need insulin or to eat something.  I don’t take insulin.  So what is the point of constantly checking my BGL?

I know my A1C, which is 6.6.  And that is truly the important number.  That’s the average blood levels for the last 6 weeks, from my last appointment with the Clinic.

But at least I know that’s not why I’m getting so much nausea.  If only I knew why I *was* getting so much nausea.  And, no, I’m not pregnant.  For sure.

What A Difference

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a decent nights sleep makes. I slept from about 10 to 6. I still feel headachy and am naseaus, but I still feel about 10000000000x better than I did yesterday. Rest some more today and hopefully be right as rain for work on Monday.

I don’t talk about politics on this blog much, if at all. I am not really all that interested in politics. I vote (well, when I remember to send in my absentee ballots) but that’s about all I do.

However, being an Ex-Pat I have been watching the US presidential election process much more closely than I used to. Part of the reason is people keep asking me about it, like I’m some analyst on CNN or something, or like ‘you’re an American, you *must* know what’s going to happen!’ Yeah, not so much.

But I have been following it. I didn’t vote in the California primaries, because I’m a registered Independent. Even if I wasn’t, I am not sure I would have voted in the Democratic Primary. And it would have been the Democratic one, not the Republican one, as I am more a Dem then a Republican.

Why wouldn’t I have voted? Because I don’t think either Clinton or Obama can win the Presidential Election. I think, as usual, the Politicians have been thinking what looks best as opposed to what is best for the country overall.

I think there are still 100000 of people in parts of the US who are saying “I am not voting for a bitch or a n**ger.” I think the Democratic party shot themselves in the foot with the two options to run against McCain.

I hope Obama can win, I really do. But I honestly don’t think he can. I think the US is going to have another four years of Republican Rule.

And that’s a big reason why I have no plans to move back to the US any time soon. Its much too scary there these days.

Please, America, prove me wrong. I would love it.

Okay, I Admit It

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I’m ill.  Headachy, stomachy, nausea, exhausted.

Not at work.  At home.  Missing all day of Board Meetings.  My boss is, I’m sure, pissed as hell.

Have no idea what’s wrong with me. Have been feeling like crap for weeks.  Its finally all come crashing down on me.

Can’t get to see my doctor until Tuesday.  We’ll see what she says then.