1st World Privilege

Believe it or not I was having a very deep conversation about the above on Mumsnet, of all places.

It started in a topic section called ‘Am I Being Unreasonable.’  The topic is pretty much what it sounds like.  The person asks ‘Am I being unreasonable to blah blah blah’ and people tell them they are or they aren’t.  Usually quite forcefully and with a lot of ‘you morons’ and things like that.  It can be quite bitchy and actually a lot of fun.

So the thread title was ‘Am I being Unreasonable to shop at Primark?’

For the non-UKers in the audience, Primark is a very very cheap clothing store well known for using 3rd world suppliers and paying them small wages to keep their prices down.  Prices like £2 t-shirts and £5 jeans.

So, is it wrong to shop there?  Is it really better to shop at M&S or Next or some other high street shop and spend a bit more?

Nope.  Because the truth is that those clothes are (usually) made in the same 3rd world country sweat shops as the Primark stuff.  The high street retailers just spend more money on advertising and fancy stores so charge you more.  Oh and make more of a profit.

The truth is that we are all privileged to live in the so called 1st World.  Our kids don’t have to go out to work to help us put food on the table.  But you know what? It wasn’t so long ago that they did.

If you look at the history and reason behind child labour laws, which really only came into being at the beginning of the 20th Century, they weren’t only to protect children but also to ‘even the playing field’ among the classes.  My son, the son of a University Teacher, probably wouldn’t have had to go up chimneys.  But your son, perhaps the son of a dock worker here in Belfast, probably would have had to join his father at the docks as soon as.

So my son got an education and your son built the Titanic.

It’s how the world was.

It’s also true that children weren’t considered precious less than a 100 years ago.  Another child meant another mouth to feed, an excellent thing when most people lived on farms and needed all hands.  And those hands started working very, very young.  Once the move to cities began, children became less necessary and more of a burden.  Unless you could send them up the chimneys, down the mines or to the docks.

But I think the real issue with first world privilege is the 1st world’s assumption that the 3rd world resents sending their children and themselves out to work for what, to us, is a pittance.  But we don’t know for this is true.  Sure, we can watch documentaries and be shocked by the conditions and the low level of money.  But we aren’t there.  We aren’t living their lives.  Maybe the pittance they earn is better than no pittance at all.

For the record, I do support Fair Trade.  I buy everything I can that is marked Fair Trade.  I only drink Fair Trade Coffee and eat Fair Trade Chocolate.  I buy M&S Fair Trade cotton T-shirts.  I am not a monster or unfeeling to how some other kid on the other side of the world is treated.

But I am also going to continue to shop at Primark for cheap, not too badly made, clothes.

I completely enjoy my First World Privilege.  And am honest enough to say so.

It is Really Truly Over

Adam was discharged from the surgery today.

The Saga Of The Lump is Truly Over.

It was indeed a benign hemangioma, as predicted.

There is a teeny tiny small possibility of it reappearing, but truly unlikely.

It was not caused by my dropping him.  It would have appeared anyway.

Simon and I didn’t realize how worried we still were until the Registrar said ‘Benign.  Discharged.’

So glad we had him go through the surgery.  Because now?

It’s truly over.

Letter To My Son – Adam – 15 Months Old

Dear Adam

Yes, yes, Mama is late with this newsletter this month.  Why?  Well, gee maybe because a certain young man has been sick with one thing or another for pretty much 3 months.  And the last 2 weeks have been the worse.  Even worse than the chicken pox.

Since May you have had:

  • Chicken  Pox
  • Surgery
  • Ear Infection
  • Ear and chest infection
  • ear and chest infection
  • viral infection with a highish fever

Mama and Dada are exhausted, as are you, since you can’t seem to sleep through the night right now.  Mama thinks you fall asleep fine and then your nose gets stuffed up and you just can’t clear it, so you wake up and cry and can’t resettle yourself.  Mama has been cursing the people who took Medised off the market for under 8s.  Not because it was deemed dangerous for younger kids, but because parents were abusing it, giving it to well babies just so they’d sleep.

So there is nothing Mama can give you to dry up your nose.  Nothing but essential oils and other crap that just isn’t working.

This too shall pass.  This too shall pass.

So, what have you been up to this month? Well, you surprised Dada and Mama when you picked up your comb and combed your hair! And, in even bigger news, you are now sleeping in PJs and a duvet rather than a sleeping bag.  You managed to kick  your way out of your sleeping bag twice, so Mama changed you.  You having been sleeping a bit better since then.  Not a whole lot. But a bit!

Your teeth are coming in in droves, although only on the top. Mama thinks she sees one poking through on the bottom, but she isn’t sure!

Your walking is coming along slowly, but surely.  And you actually, finally settled into daycare.  And then you missed two weeks being sick.  You’re going back tomorrow, though.

You can point to your nose and your belly.  And say Mama.  When you feel like it!

Mostly you’re just getting taller and bigger a little bit every day.

And Mama loves you more and more every day.

Love

Mama

PS No pictures this month because I haven’t had time to download them from the camera.  Maybe I’ll add them later!!!

Thanks Everyone Who Spoke To My Heart

It really needed to hear it!

Adam is still ill, probably with a viral infection.  No other infection found in his urine, so that’s good news.

Now the debate is: to do settle in days in daycare or not.

Simon and I are leaning towards not.

Adam didn’t actually settle into daycare until we said ‘Okay kid, this is it.  Deal.’  And, eventually, he did.

Also, I have some major projects with my main client that have been totally neglected over the last month or so due to Adam being out of daycare so much.  So I really need those hours to,  you know, make some money.

So I think, come Monday, he’s just going to go back. Plop.  Into daycare.

And he’ll deal.

Eventually.

Once Again Feeling Like A Crap Mother

I am not saying I am a crap mother.  Just that I feel like one lately.

Why? Because Adam has had 3 ear infections and 2 chest infections, 2 of each in the last month. And has had to take antibiotics for them.

Why do I blame myself?

Because I couldn’t breastfeed.

Everyone (yeah, ya know, everyone; they’s neighbours?) says that breastfeed babies have much better immune systems. That they never get ill.  That they walk at 2 months and talk at 3 months and go to Harvard at 3 years old. Oh and they can drive by the time they are 18 months.

Obviously I am being hyperbolic about this, but its almost that bad.  If  you formula feed, for what ever your reason, you are, basically, stunting your child for life.

I would normally laugh this off.  I don’t do competitive parenting, I think its ridiculous.  But this one, about a weaker immune system, is hitting really close to home right now.  As my son coughs himself awake night after night.  As goop drains out of his ear and his fever spikes to 100.6.  May not sound all that high, but he’s normally around 97.4.  So its about 3 degrees.  That’s a lot.

That’s all happened in the last week.  And I put off taking him to the doctor because I just couldn’t believe he had yet another infection.  So he didn’t get any antibiotics until Thursday.  When he probably needed them starting Tuesday.  And I should really listen to my Mum.  Who told me to take him to the doctor on Wednesday.

Another reason to feel like a crap mother.  Because after just 2 doses of his antibiotic, he started acting more like himself again.

In any case, I know not being able to breastfeed was not my fault.  I had no milk.  Fact.  I may or may not have had milk if Adam hadn’t been a C-section, if he hadn’t needed to be in SCBU for 9 days, if if if if if…but I didn’t have any.

So I gave him Cow & Gate.  And no one can say he hasn’t thrived, my 31.5 inch, somewhere around 30 pound, at nearly 15 months son.  But he does keep getting these bugs.

Now, everyone knows daycare centres are hot beds of germs.  And he’s proving it.  He was out of daycare more than he was in it in August.  And now he’s missed another 2 days.  Just as he was settling in so nicely.

So I feel guilty.  Is it because I had no milk? Could I have had milk if I’d just tried a little bit harder?

Of course not.  Well, the lower immunity might be, who really knows?  But I had no milk no matter what I did.  And I did it all.

So, Mummy Guilt rears its ugly head.  And I feel like a crap mother.

Even though, in my head, I know I’m not.

Could someone just tell my heart that?

Letter To My Husband – Simon – 6 Years On

Dear Simon

6 years ago today, at 10am on a Sunny Saturday morning, you stood waiting for me in the wedding room at City Hall.  About 30 minutes later we heard ‘I now pronounce you man and wife’.

Since then we’ve been through a lot.  Uncertainty about your job.  My health problems, mental and physical.  Bugs invading our flat.  Moving to our new, wonderful flat.  And, of course, Adam’s birth.

And through it all, you’ve been my rock.  As I’ve been diagnosed with Diabetes.  And Fibromyalgia.  And all my mental health issues.  Really, you probably should have turned me in on a healthier model.  But you haven’t.  And I know you won’t.

Every day I love you more and more.

Love

Robyn

3rd Cold in 2 Months

So Adam isn’t sleeping well. So no one is sleeping well.

And I am cursing the rotten parents who abused toddler cold medicine, using it when their babies wouldn’t sleep rather than when they were ill, so all governments everywhere took it off the market.

I just want my baby to be able to breathe.  And sleep.

Apparently that’s too much to ask.

Mama and Adam’s Newest Adventure

So I’ve been wanting to go to Connswater Shopping Centre for awhile, because there is a Really Really Big Tesco (TM) there, but was always a bit daunted by the distance. Until I realized it was only about half a mile further than the Tesco I go to now.

So I put Adam in his new stroller and headed off.  Simon was a bit iffy about it, as its not the best part of Belfast, but I realized as we walked along that so long as I wasn’t wearing my ‘I’m for a United Ireland’ t-shirt, I’d be okay.  NB: I don’t actually own such a t-shirt.  My point is that the area is heavy LOL with lamp-posts with pictures of the Queen and everything.  Simon says about 1 block to the left is the just the opposite.

Anyway, it was a very nice walk, mostly flat (as opposed to my other Tesco, which is mostly uphill the whole way) and with traffic lights almost every crossing (also unlike my other Tesco) and then I was there.  Mecca.  Okay, so its just a very nice shopping centre with a Really Really Big Tesco (TM) and a Dunnes and Boots and all sorts of places.  It was fab.

So Adam and I looked around Dunnes.  And then went and did the shopping in Really Really Big Tesco (TM).  I carried through with a plan I’d been thinking about for awhile, which was to fold the pushchair up and stick it in a trolley rather than try to carry a hand-basket and push the stroller.  Worked a treat, except that there was no safety strap in the trolley seat, so I tied him in with a string I had!

Adam loved it.  I forgot to take a picture, though.  Maybe next time.

However, since it was a Really Really Big Tesco (TM) and it was laid out differently from my usual Tesco (and why is that? Why can’t they all be laid out the same?) shopping took longer than usual.  Suddenly it was noon and I had a hungry, cranky boy on my hands.  I wasn’t feeling too uncranky myself, actually.

So what’s a Mama to do?  We went to the food court.  Where our choices were Chinese, Burger King, Subway or Chicken Cottage.  And I knew the one thing Adam *might* eat was chicken.  So Adam had his very first ever child’s meal.  Chicken and Chips.  He ate about one nugget and some chips.  I had some chicken as well.

And then we headed home.  And belly full of chips boy fell asleep in his pram about 10 minutes from the flat and stayed asleep for about an hour.

So it was a good adventure.  I was feeling guilty about the lunch until I spoke to Simon:

‘Forgive me Dada, for I have sinned.’  I said to him on the phone.

‘Oh?’ He replied

‘Adam had his first ever fast food lunch today.’

‘Oh.  Well he’s had bits of my Egg McMuffins when he’s been with me and I’ve had one.’

Guilt 100% gone.

I Once Put As My Facebook Status

“People without chronic pain illness cannot understand that a lessening of pain is as good as no pain at all.”

That holds true every day of my life.

I am in pain of some sort 24/7/365.  Whether my left hand aches from arthritis or my left leg hurts from ass to ankle with early degenerative disease or my upper arms protest from the simplest actions due to fibro, there is some kind of pain in my body.  Sometimes all of the above at the same time. Sometimes even more than that.

So when I wake up and its only one of those things? That’s an awesome day.

Today? Is pretty much an awesome day.  My left hand doesn’t hurt (although it is stiff).  My leg feels pretty good.  My arms are less sore than they have been lately.

The main reason for this is rest.  Simon is on holiday for two weeks, this week coming up being the second, and, as we try to do when he’s off, we’ve been each having 2 nights on, 2 nights off, getting up with Adam.  And not only have the last two nights been my nights off, but Adam has started to sleep better again.  So really, I’ve had 3 fairly decent nights sleep in a row.

And all it really takes is 2.  2 good nights and I start to feel better.  The problem has been the 3rd night.  But, with any luck, Adam will sleep well tonight and I’ll get 4 decent nights sleep in a row.

Man, imagine how good I might feel tomorrow!

Letter To My Son – Adam – 14 Months Old

Dear Adam

14 months and lots has been happening!

Right now you have an ear and chest infection and are on antibiotics.  Luckily you take medicine very well.

You are getting into things more and more, keeping Mama and Dada hopping: –

My first attempt at dress up was less than successful

You’ve got a new pushchair, to save Mama some energy as we go up the hill to daycare.  You seem to like it very much, as you sort of lounge in it.

But mostly you’re becoming a toddler.  Insisting on doing things yourself.  Not wanting to waste time with nappy changes.  Hating to sit on some one’s lap for long periods (unless you’re very sleepy).  You want to be out and about and doing doing doing.  You want to be walking, but aren’t quite sure how that works yet beyond a step or two (unless holding on!).  Mama can just tell that as soon as you figure it out? You’ll go straight to running.

Although you’ve never crawled on hands and knees, you have no problem getting around:

You’ve also started to eat exactly what Mama and Dada eat, or you won’t eat at all.  The other night we had a curry and started to give you something out of a jar.  You refused to eat it, peering interestingly at Mama’s plate.  So she gave you a small piece of Chicken Tikka.  And some Na’an.  Chapati?  Pilau Rice?  Ate.It.All.

You’ve now had stuffed cod, salmon in garlic and soy, lamb stew, beef stew, pickles, chips and one small piece of corn crisp.  You wanted more of the last but Mama had a fear of you choking on it. 🙂

Unfortunately, you are having a tough time settling into daycare.  You cry when Mama or Dada leave you, although they say you do play a bit and seem to be getting better, there is still some crying off and on.  It probably won’t help that you’ve missed a few days due to being ill this month, but we’ll start again next week.

You’ve also got 2 new teeth poking through.  Upper right and left, one over from your incisor.  So you’ll have a gap.  And nothing to chew against, as you still only have the two front on the bottom!

The biggest news of all?  And the reason Mama is actually glad this is a day late?  Because today, this morning, for the first.time.ever?  You looked right at me and said Mama.

I love you

Mama