Category Archives: Being a Mummy

When Mummies Get Ill

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So this morning I woke up around 6am with a headache. I ran to the loo and confirmed that it was indeed snoring I could hear from Adam’s room and snuggled back into bed, hoping some more sleep would kill it.

At 630 Simon’s alarm went off. He grumbled himself out of bed, confirmed that, yes that was *still* snoring coming from Adam’s room and I told him I was going to stay where I was. I still had a headache.

At 7 I decided I needed some painkiller and maybe some food and headed downstairs. As I was making coffee sounds of wakefulness came from Adam’s room and so I left the coffee to brew and headed to get him.

Got him up and changed and went back downstairs to get him his bottle (Yes, he’s nearly 2 and a half and he still has milk from a bottle. Get over it.) and some juice and painkillers for me.

At 730 Simon headed off to work. At that point I had also had something to eat and was drinking some coffee. The headache wasn’t shifting, however.

At about 9, I started puking.

Nothing has stayed down all day. So I am home with my 2 and a half year old and pushing him out of the way or throwing him off my lap all day so I can run to the toilet, where he joins me to say ‘Oh no, mummy sick’. Very helpful.

So the TV has been on all day. Plans to run to the shops and the park cancelled. And I lose another day of sorting the house, which I do bits of when he naps on days he’s home.

He did actually nap this morning, for about an hour and half, during which time I lay on the other sofa and dozed a bit.

Now it’s 3pm and I’ve just puked again. Simon got a very kind colleague to cover his afternoon lecture and is on his way home, stopping to get the milk, juice and food for tea we need as I am not up to cooking.

Adam has been bringing books to me to read, watching TV, climbing the furniture and managing to entertain himself.

He’s eaten 2 bagels (whole, he doesn’t like them cut or toasted any more!), some cheese, juice, apple sauce, milk and pickles. I’ve eaten, but not kept down, cereal, coffee, juice, half a cup of sugary tea and about 20 Fox’s mints.

So mummy is ill. And we are surviving.

But I’ll be so glad when Simon walks through the door!

Today’s Shopping Trip Brought To You By The Letters T and B

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T for Tantrum.

B for Boots.

Yup. Right in the centre aisle of the large Boots at Belfast City Centre. Why? Because we needed to go right and he wanted to go left.

What did I do?

I picked him bodily up and strapped him into his pushchair. Which took three tries with the wiggling and jiggling and sliding out of the straps.

Was I embarrassed? Nope. Too busy dealing with it to worry what other people were doing. I was vaguely aware of people going past but beyond that? No clue. Nor did I care.

See, I will never understand when people post on places like MN about how embarrassed they are their child had a tantrum in public. Who has time to look at what others are doing while coping with a small person screaming for no reason?

Is it just me? Is it? Or is it just people like me don’t admit they really couldn’t care less what others think of them?

So, As I Said, It’s Been a Long Week…

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This was due to me working over 13 hours for my main client, over an hour for another client as well as my usual ‘mother to a toddler’ type activities.

Now, I am well aware that plenty of women work 40+ hours plus their usual ‘mother to a child/ren’ type activities. But most, if not all, of them do not have my health problems.

And what not getting any rest Monday (worked, then headed to get my new varifocals

Emperio Armani EA9774 from Specsuperstore.com

My new glasses.

and do some errands) or Wednesday (lovely morning with a good friend from England, then worked starting at 2pm, getting home at about 10pm) led to was my being flat on my back all day Friday and most of today. I was in so much pain yesterday I was in tears at dinner and Simon had to do some of bedtime.

I then had a lie in today and then went back to bed for 3 more hours while Simon and Adam headed to the park and get some groceries. And then had lunch and a very hot bath and finally feel about 95% of well.

And this is why I no longer have a full time job and doubt I ever will again. Or at least not a full time job that is 8 hours in a row 5 days a week. I could see me working that many hours, but stretched out over 7 days, in fits and starts, so I have time to rest as well.

It does make me wonder how I would be if I had been working full time when my fibromayalgia started. Would I have had to quit my job? Probably.

So no matter how much I hurt sometimes and how tired I can be, being the mummy of a toddler, I have another reason to be grateful for my son. His birth gave me the strength to strike out, open Designed To A Tee and work for myself, as and when I can.

So, thanks Adam. You rock!

Going Casual…

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So I have mentioned previously, I think, that I’ve taken to wearing jeans and t-shirts, even when working at a client’s, unless I am meeting with outside vendors and/or doing one of my video shoots. Then I wear leggings and tunic tops and my boots.

Well, recently I managed to leave my good bracelet watch that Simon gave me as a gift in the pocket of my jeans, along with my engagement, wedding and claddagh rings, and they all went through the wash. Rings all fine. One dead watch.

So I went watch shopping today. My budget wasn’t huge, the £20 I had left from my wedding anniversary money that had been burning a hole in my pocket, but with Christmas just around the corner, cheapish watches are a dime a dozen. So I looked. I looked at bracelet ones like the one I had, but it didn’t feel right any more. That watch had been a real piece of jewellery, not just a watch. And it had some meaning since Simon gave it to me.

So I didn’t want to buy something to replace it as it was irreplaceable. I just wanted to be able to tell the time.  And to match my current style of casual clothing and a less stressful life.

And I found this:

My new watch

The picture isn’t great, but the strap is blue, to match jeans. The face is silver, which won’t surprise anyone who knows me.

And it has no numbers. I rarely have to be somewhere at a precise time these days, so not knowing if it is 135 or 137 doesn’t much matter.

I love the look of the double strap, giving me a little more style than a plain watch strap.

So that’s me. Going casual.

And loving it.

Discipline and the Toddler

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Adam is, of course, at the ‘terrible twos.’ And I’ll probably jinx myself, but they aren’t all that terrible. Not that he doesn’t have his moments. He’s hardly perfect or an angel!

There are, also of course, 10,000 parenting books about how to handle toddlers and their discipline. And I’ve read…none of them.

I only own 4 books about parenting, anyway. One about how Adam developed in the womb the of which escapes me and I’m too lazy to go look, What to Expect When You’re Expecting, some dad’s book my brother sent Simon and How to Talk so Your Kids will Listen and Listen so Your Kids Will Talk. The only one I’ve actually read cover to cover was the developing baby one and that was mostly so I could post on here how big he was as he grew in my tummy!

And so Simon and my parenting style has been created by trial and error. Some from ideas I’ve gotten from others I know, of course, but mostly I’ve just used my instincts and Simon has pretty much followed my lead.

So what do we do?

Well, we use time out for some things. Things such as not listening after being told not to do something more than once, 2 minutes time out. Some things are instant time out, such as climbing furniture, hitting and pushing.

And I’ve developed a count to 10 method to get him to do things. I have never, once, in my life seen count to three work and I gave a lot of thought as to why that might be, keeping in mind I’ve never studied child development or psychology! Based on my observation it’s because three just isn’t long enough for a toddler, whose brain is racing a million miles an hour and to whom whatever they are doing is the most important thing in the world, to stop what they are doing and make the decision to listen to Mummy and/or Daddy.

So I tell him what I want to do and I count to 10. ‘Adam, come to the table for dinner by the time I count to 10 or I’ll come get you.’ And I count. It is very rare that he doesn’t come and do what I want him to do by the time I get to 8 or 9. And if he doesn’t do it at 10? I make him do whatever it is I want him to do. I also tend to say ’10…end of free will’ as I grab him.

It works for getting dressed, for picking a toy, really for most things.

And it has the advantage that he’s learning to count!

So, The Movers Are Booked

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And the Great Clear Out of 2011 is well on it’s way.

We are having the pros pack for us so all I’m doing is going through stuff, that I’ve been meaning to go through for, oh, 4 years and dumping a lot of crap.

Some of that crap included boxes of undies from before Adam was born. As my tummy got bigger and I had to move from sexy matching bras and pants to un-sexy maternity bras and pants I bought some storage boxes from Ikea and packed all of my sexy ones away for the duration.

Yesterday those boxes were hauled out of the top of the closet, only 2 years after the birth of my son, and inspected. The pants, fab. Size 14. That’s my size! The bras…um…well…

You see, I could, theoretically go back to the 38s. I have some 38s now that fit me. I am, more or less, the same weight I was when I conceived.

What I will never be again is a B cup.

Even without ever having my milk come in more than drips and drops my breasts increased by a full cup size. I am, most definitely, now a C.

Forever and ever.

Amen.

So bye bye old, lovely sexy pants and bras.

Guess I need to go shopping and get some that fit! 😉

How Much Tech is Too Much Tech?

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Adam is home ill, again, today and I am sitting on the sofa as he stands watching TV and playing a game on my iPhone.

There seems to be 1000 studies with 1000 different answers as to how much ‘screen time’ is too much. And I can’t decide which way to go.

The actual issue is that Simon and I spend our lives in front of screens. He teaches computers and I’m a graphic artist which, these days, means Adobe Creative Suite and drawing with a mouse. Oh, I occasionally sketch in a book, but final drafts to finished drawings are done on a computer.

We have in this house 4 working computers, two TV based game consoles, three hand held games consoles and 2 iPhones. Hell, Simon and I met through the computer!

So how do we tell our son he can only watch TV or play on the Xbox ‘X hours a day’? Granted, I can pull the ‘Mummies and Daddies are adults and have different rules’ card, but I always hated that when I was a kid. Why do they get different rules for things like this?

Okay, so some studies have shown TV/computer time can hurt brain development. But they can’t prove it 100%. And he is learning as he watches or plays games on my iPhone. He’s learning numbers and shapes and colours on the one he’s playing right now. He learns things from CBeeBies and DVDs. So does it matter that he’s learning them from a screen?

He hardly spends all day every day in front of one. We go out at least once a day for a walk, sometimes twice. He is at nursery 3 days a week when he doesn’t see a screen from 9 am to 430 pm. He does watch some TV when he gets home, but that’s not for long before it’s time for dinner and bath and bed.

And we do other things, even when he’s home sick like today. In a bit we’re going to break out the crayons and do some colouring. We might still get out for a walk as his fever seems to be going away.

So I don’t have the final answer. He’s a long way away from using any of these items on his own, anyway. He sits with me or Simon to play games on CBeeBies website or on our iPhones. He doesn’t know how to turn on the TV. So Simon and I have some time to consider our position.

What’s your position on your kids and screen time and why?

My Victorian Gentleman…

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For some reason I cannot figure out, Adam has taken to objecting to Mummy showing certain parts of her body, namely her knees and below.

If I, for whatever reason pull up my trouser legs, he comes over and pulls them down. And looks at me disapprovingly.

The other day I came out of our bedroom wearing just my PJ top and some undies, as I was about to take a shower. Adam ran into the bedroom and grabbed my PJ bottoms from the back of the chair and brought them to me. He was very insistent that I put them on until I finally went into the bathroom and turned on the shower. Then he ‘got’ it.

I have no idea why he does this. Or where he got the idea that Mummies are not to show their legs!

I guess I should be grateful that it was never hot enough this past summer to wear shorts. Who knows what he might have done!

What odd things do your toddlers do that have no rhyme, reason or origin you can figure out?

Why We Still Use A Baby Monitor

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The other day, while on IM, my mother suggested we stop using a baby monitor so that I wouldn’t be woken unless Adam really truly needed me. I was adamant in my refusal and she asked why, especially as Adam sleeps with his door partially open and Simon and I could do the same.

I said it was because our walls are very thick (true) and because I felt better having it on. And then said the subject was closed.

But there is more to it than that. There have been 11 days since Adam was born where I had no or very little control over his life; the 9 days in SCBU and the 2 days on the ward after I dropped him. It wasn’t me who responded to his cries when in SCBU, and he was left to cry more than once as it was from hunger and there was nothing they could do at that point (he was being fed via a line in his belly button, but his tummy was empty) and it wasn’t me who took care of him for one of the nights while he was on the ward. The night with the ward was mine and Simon’s choice as I hadn’t really slept in 2 days and Simon insisted I go home and rest rather than land on my face at some point. But still, I wasn’t even where I might be able to hear my baby. Never mind be allowed to care for him.

I had to rely on other people to respond to his needs. And his cries. In fact, on the second morning on the ward, when we got there someone else was feeding him a bottle. And didn’t immediately hand him to me to finish. I can’t remember if I asked for him or if I let her finish feeding him but I remember feeling horrible that someone else was looking after my son for me. It was (and is) my job.

And now we get to today. A point at which Adam is in a regular bed (with a guard rail up) and a gate on his door as he can’t be trusted to not go wandering if he wakes up in the middle of the night. And I can’t be certain I’ll hear him. Our flat walls are very thick, as mentioned previously. Also, if I can catch him just as he starts to ‘peep’ I can usually soothe him in minutes rather than hours or going into bed with him.

I haven’t discussed this with Simon, but, unless it breaks, the monitor stays until Adam is old enough to not need a gate on his door to prevent night time wandering and he is old enough to come to get me if I don’t hear him.

Or if we move to a house with very thin walls.

 

Must Be Tuesday or A Day In The Life

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Recently Dooce has been doing a series about what her days are like. I’m finding it very interesting and thought I’d do the same.

Of course, I am not Dooce. I only have one child, I don’t have a PA and I don’t run a multi-million dollar media empire. But, still. It might be a worthwhile read.

Let’s take a Tuesday, since not every of the week is the same around here, but most Tuesdays are fairly standard.

Simon gets up with Adam somewhere between 6 and 7. This means Adam cries. He loves his daddy, but, for some reason, not first thing in the morning. We tell Adam to deal with it, Mummy’s having a lie in.

I get up between 715 and 730 and put my coffee on. Simon only drinks instant (bleech) so I have to make it myself. I also make toast with peanut butter and juice, take my blood sugar and pop 6 pills; 3 paracetamol, 1 xanax and 2 metphormin.

I then share my breakfast with Adam, who may or may not have had something to eat before I get up but certainly has had some milk. Simon is in the shower at this point.

I then spend 5 minutes chasing Adam around trying to wipe peanut butter off his hands and face. Sometimes I am even successful.

After that, I make Simon’s lunch. Yes. I make my husband lunch nearly every day. Why? Well, it saves us gobs of money, for one thing. But the real reason is because that used to be my only bit of ‘me’ time in the morning.  Back before Adam was mobile and had his own ideas (oh those halcyon days!) Simon would come get him from me and play with him while he got dressed. Then I could actually drink my coffee, make Simon’s lunch and usually have at least 5 minutes to relax before I had a baby to take care of all day by myself. Now Adam runs around the flat, nearly spilling my coffee, trying to steal his dad’s lunch bag and generally being 2. Sometimes Simon convinces him to come play in the bedroom. But not often.

Then we say bye bye to Daddy and I sit and try to finish my coffee.

Tuesday is grocery day so after that I write my list, after conferring with Simon the night before about what to have for dinner during the week. Adam will be conferred with as well. Some day.

It’s around 9 at this point and Adam is running around insanely so I go jump into the shower so we can get out the door.

These days Adam decides how he’s getting to city centre. If he wants to walk, he walks, so long as he holds hands with no fuss at street crossings. If he wants to ride, he rides and I make sure we do somewhere he can run around. Today that was Corn Market and Victoria Square.

Then we do our errands. And Adam gets back into his pram at some point and falls asleep. Usually after or during Tesco.

Then we are home. Adam keeps sleeping for at least 2 hours when he falls asleep like that (whoot!) so I have some lunch myself, do some housework and/or lie around being lazy, depending on what’s going on.

Adam wakes up around 2 and I give him lunch.

Then we play all afternoon. Colouring, puzzles, his barn, whatever he feels like. This can also include sofa snuggles and CBeeBies. I really just take his lead.

Simon gets home from work any time between 4 and 6, depending on his lecture schedule. Then we have dinner. Then Adam has a bath and goes to bed.

And then I veg and then I go to bed.

And so endeth Tuesday.