The other day, while on IM, my mother suggested we stop using a baby monitor so that I wouldn’t be woken unless Adam really truly needed me. I was adamant in my refusal and she asked why, especially as Adam sleeps with his door partially open and Simon and I could do the same.
I said it was because our walls are very thick (true) and because I felt better having it on. And then said the subject was closed.
But there is more to it than that. There have been 11 days since Adam was born where I had no or very little control over his life; the 9 days in SCBU and the 2 days on the ward after I dropped him. It wasn’t me who responded to his cries when in SCBU, and he was left to cry more than once as it was from hunger and there was nothing they could do at that point (he was being fed via a line in his belly button, but his tummy was empty) and it wasn’t me who took care of him for one of the nights while he was on the ward. The night with the ward was mine and Simon’s choice as I hadn’t really slept in 2 days and Simon insisted I go home and rest rather than land on my face at some point. But still, I wasn’t even where I might be able to hear my baby. Never mind be allowed to care for him.
I had to rely on other people to respond to his needs. And his cries. In fact, on the second morning on the ward, when we got there someone else was feeding him a bottle. And didn’t immediately hand him to me to finish. I can’t remember if I asked for him or if I let her finish feeding him but I remember feeling horrible that someone else was looking after my son for me. It was (and is) my job.
And now we get to today. A point at which Adam is in a regular bed (with a guard rail up) and a gate on his door as he can’t be trusted to not go wandering if he wakes up in the middle of the night. And I can’t be certain I’ll hear him. Our flat walls are very thick, as mentioned previously. Also, if I can catch him just as he starts to ‘peep’ I can usually soothe him in minutes rather than hours or going into bed with him.
I haven’t discussed this with Simon, but, unless it breaks, the monitor stays until Adam is old enough to not need a gate on his door to prevent night time wandering and he is old enough to come to get me if I don’t hear him.
Or if we move to a house with very thin walls.
I didn’t have any bad experiences but still used the baby monitor until our youngest was about 3 years old. At least when we were downstairs.
There is no harm in it, so why rush to pack it away?
The most important thing is that you do what’s right for you. You’d be no good to anyone if you lay awake all night straining to hear him if you didn’t have the monitor if you’re worried without it.
My heckles rise whenever I hear someone saying ‘you should…’ about parenting decisions :-/
Good for you for standing your ground
x
With all parenting things I reckon whatever works for your family is the right thing to do. If the monitor helps you to relax then go ahead and keep it as long as you need.
you’ll stop using it when you’re comfortable that you dont need it.
Tom is 5, i still use a monitor for him… yes its cheap (izzy has the digital one now because i can talk to her through it) but its enough that should he need me at night time, i can hear him and go to him without him waking the whole household up.
As far as im concerned, hes my son, hes still small and still needs me… i have memories of being on my own at night time and calling my parents who didnt hear me and being scared to the point of crying my eyes out – i have no intention of doing the same to my kids.