Anyone who reads this blog for anything more than 2 seconds knows that I have quite a few health problems. Fibromyalgia. Type II diabetes. Anxiety Disorder. Borderline Agoraphobia. Early Degenerative Disease.
And I do everything in my power to not let these things affect the care of my son. I had a horrible fibro flair a few months ago and I managed to take care of him.
And then came this past Wednesday morning. When I woke up with a borderline migraine.
Now, other than a reaction to some stuff I took for my fibro right after diagnosis, I haven’t had a migraine in ages. I never have any warning that I am going to get them. They just show up.
So when Adam got me up about 530 Wednesday morning, I was hurting. And nauseated. And ready to steel myself to get through the day. I certainly could not ask Simon to take the day off. I would manage.
And then Simon got up for work. And took one look at me and said ‘Do you want me to stay home?’
At first I said no, no way. I can manage. I have to manage.
But he kept asking. And when it got to the point that I thought for sure I was going to have to puke I finally said ‘yes, please, stay home. I need to go back to bed.’ And I did.
And I felt like the worse mother ever. Mother’s are suppose to muddle through, no matter what. They are suppose to put everything to one side; pain, illness, sleep, to care for their children. And I just couldn’t on Wednesday.
I know, if Simon hadn’t been able to stay home, or had been on one of his trips, I would have managed. But I still felt horrible that I didn’t manage. That I, in the end, leapt at the chance to stay in bed for the day and not have to manage.
I know I am lucky that Simon could do that. And I am very thankful for it.
But, still, I felt like a bad mother.
Of course, most anything can make a person feel like a bad mother. There is so much competition out there, so much ‘my baby does this’ and ‘how can you not do that’.
Well, I lay enough guilt on myself for the decisions I make, I have decided to not play the ‘my baby is better than yours’ game. I refuse.
Although I am looking for a baby yoga or baby signing class, its part of the reason I am so reluctant to join a Mummy and Baby group.
That and the fact I’ll probably be about 20 years older than all of them.
I have long said “you’re no good to any one else if you’re not taking care of yourself”. Having a migraine — something you can’t control or predict — does *not* qualify you as a bad mother. Nor does taking the time to heal yourself so you can go back to mothering and wife-ing and all.
Now, if you were to lay abed every day, ignoring your family, eating bon-bons and watching horrible day time TV that rotted your brain, that would be another story. Not. The. Case.
Cut yourself some slack, Byn. You’re a good mother 🙂
I totally agree with Lisa. Hopefully, “super Moms” are a thing of the past. If you don’t take good care of yourself, you lose the ability to take care of anyone so be as good to yourself as you can and that will make you a great mother (which you already are:)
I’m going to add to the above
A good mother knows her limits, accepts the help of a supportive spouse/good father, and that’s that. I’ve had badly compromised health while mothering, and without appropriate care, the BAD MOM arrives. Learning to shelve my pride, count the blessing of a great partner who is an even better parent, and kids whose love is unconditional, was hard-won, necessary and, yep, BRILLIANT.
Also, don’t say bad things about yourself in your own earshot. It’s, for sure, bad karma.