Category Archives: Personal

I Really Didn’t Intend To Write About The Riots

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but as more and more of my fellow bloggers, who live in the areas affected, do, I feel I have to say something.

And that something is; I’m not surprised. I think the UK, nay the world, is ripe for revolution.

Why?

Because our leaders are 100% out of touch. They honestly think that what they are doing is right and good. But it is wrong and bad.

You can’t remove the ability to have basic rights from people and not expect them to react. You can’t take away their jobs with no other jobs available and expect them to thank you because you’re reducing the country’s debt. You can’t ask them to donate to the starvation across the world while they watch their children starve.

And, yes, some of the rioters were children and people are asking where those particular parents are. Their parents might be working 2 or 3 crappy jobs to keep food on the table and a roof over their heads.

Not all of the rioters were children. Not all were poor. But all, it seems to me, are fed up.

Fed up of non-leaders.

Fed up of the rich getting richer while the poor get poorer.

Fed up of not having any opportunities to get ahead.

Fed up of hearing from the people leading their countries that they are doing what they are doing for ‘their own good’.

Whose own good?

Rising fuel prices, due to taxation, leading to rising food prices is not for my own good. Or my son’s. Or anyone I know.

Until the government wakes up and gets a clue there will be more riots. Maybe not today or tomorrow. But soon.

Very very soon.

I Really Did Intend for Adam And I to Go Out and Do Something Fun Today…

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Thursdays are now earmarked as Mummy and Adam fun day. Monday, Wednesday and Friday he’s at daycare. Tuesday we need to run errands. So Thursdays are suppose to be fun.

Instead we are stuck inside. Partially because the weather is horrid and there really are no indoor fun activities for a toddler in Belfast City Centre. Mostly because I am very very sore and very very tired.

I had a migraine on Monday which was a good day to have one as Simon took Adam to daycare and picked him up. So I had the whole day to rest. Except that my Migraleave failed and I continued to puke into the night.

And then it was Tuesday. Migraine Hangover Day (TM). I used to spend that day in bed as well. Except now I have a toddler. And a husband who had to be at a remote campus for a thing, so he couldn’t take the day off. And no food in the house. So I had to take my hungover self and my toddler to the shops. After dealing with 3 temper tantrums. In a row. One because I needed to eat breakfast and he wanted to play. One because I need the loo and he wanted to play. And one because I, apparently, picked a pretzel up off the floor in a wrong manner!?!

Anyway, we got ourselves out the door. I offered Adam the choice to walk or ride in his pram, he choose the pram. Right there is a signal, along with the 3 tantrums, that he was either not feeling well or really tired. He loves to walk. So we do our errands and at the end of Tesco I notice he’s yawning his head off. So I push the pram into lie down position. And he does his ‘But I’m not tired Mummy’ shriek for 2 seconds and falls asleep. And sleeps for three hours!

If I had known he was going to sleep so long I would have lay down as well. But he has this psychic ability to wake up just as I’m falling asleep, so I didn’t bother to try, eating lunch and lazing on the sofa instead.

In any case, 3 hours of sofa rest does not equal a day in rest to finish recovering from a migraine.

So Wednesday he’s back in daycare and I not only had to catch up on my work from Monday but I have the washer repair man and some guys to finish fixing the water damaged bathroom wall coming. So rest was, once again not in the cards. I did manage to lie down for about an hour in the afternoon, but still not enough rest.

And then it was today. And Adam’s home. And I have zero energy. And the weather is total crap. So we stayed home.

We played on the floor some with both puzzles and trucks. We watched TV some. I tried to get him to nap in the morning. No go.

Then we had lunch.

Adam had scrambled eggs with cheese and tomatoes: –

20110811-122234.jpgLook! A picture!

I had scrambled eggs with yellow peppers and spring onions: –

20110811-122304.jpgAnd another!

We both had some corn bread, thanks to my friend Lisa in England who sent me a care package last week: –

20110811-123727.jpgThree pictures! 🙂

I have no idea why I took pictures, BTW. I just did. 🙂

Anyway, Simon managed to come home early today and I went and lay down for about 2 hours. And Simon managed to get Adam to finally nap.

And so tomorrow is Adam’s first Friday in daycare, ever. And I have to finish catching up with work. And go buy some more groceries (what are we having for dinner tomorrow?!) without a toddler in tow. Oh and pick up the dry cleaning.

And, hopefully, have a nap.

Next week, we’ll do something fun.

I hope.

Pin Point Pain

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Pin point pain is the name I have given to those sudden unexplained pains that come and go in an instant. I have no idea if they are called something else by the docs.

They are, in a lot of ways, worse than the constant ache in my upper arms. A constant ache can be adjusted to, accepted and dismissed, to the point that it feels really odd when my arms don’t hurt.

But a pin point pain is sudden and harsh and unpredictable. Suddenly, I hurt a lot more. And just for a minute or less. Sometimes they are so strong they leave me breathless. Sometimes I barely register them.

I think these pains are a good indication that the latest theory of Fibro is correct; that it’s not that I’m actually in pain, it’s that the pain receptors in my brain are working incorrectly leading me to believe I am in pain. And the pin point pains are a sudden ‘misfiring’ of those receptors, sending a strong pain signal. For a pain that isn’t there.

Which leads me to the question; why can’t they find a med to fix the misfire? I mean, my brain misfires all over the place already, this is why I have depression and anxiety. And for those I take meds. So where’s the meds for the pain receptor misfire?

Eh?

I Love My Friends. Fact.

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So last night I logged on to this site to write an update when it told me I had a comment to moderate.

Comments on this site are moderated to try and stop SPAM. The first time a person comments, it has to be moderated. After that, provided you use the same name, the comment posts automatically right after you write it.

And my rule is all comments, except for SPAM and some guy who wanted to use my blog for his political agenda, get approved.

Even the one last night.

It was a comment on my newsletter to Adam for his 25th month. It enquired as to whether Adam had been ill so much because he wasn’t breastfed. O_o

Really? If you read my blog enough to know Adam wasn’t breastfed you surely know that: –

  1. I didn’t have any milk.
  2. I felt guilty as hell about it for awhile.
  3. I moved on from the guilt, eventually.

So what was the point of your comment? No idea. Especially as Adam is nearly 26 months and way past the breast. Even if I had breastfed, I most likely would have stopped by now. Let the cow lactate! 🙂

I Tweeted about the comment and this is why I love my friends. At least 5 posted comments on the same blog entry tell the person to, basically, fuck off. And many many more posted support on the Facebook and Twitter feeds.

Not one of them understood the point of the comment. Almost all of them told the poster they were ignorant and rude.

The person who commented has not returned to defend their comment or even comment some more, that I can see, on any other post. Just that one.

So, Sam, if that is your name. Come back and defend your ignorance.

Or better yet, don’t.

As you have nothing worthwhile to add to my conversation with the world.

 

 

Lord*, Give Me Strength

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There are two things that Adam has/does that can be considered babyish. He still uses a dummy and he still drinks 3 bottles of milk a day.

The dummies will be tackled in about another 6 months when Simon and I think he will be able to understand why he can’t have them or at least be bribed with a toy if he ‘sends his dummies to the babies through Santa’.

The bottles on the other hand…

Milk is the only thing he drinks from a bottle. And only at home. Everything else, and at daycare, he drinks out of a sippy cup or an open beaker. With no problems or issues.

But at home he would rather not have milk than drink it from anything than a bottle. And if you knew my son and his love of milk you would understand just how much he wants that milk in a bottle and not a sippy cup. He just loves snuggling in with Mummy or Daddy and having those bottles. And it is such a source of comfort to him.

This morning we got up and, as agreed with Simon last night, I put his milk in a sippy cup. He sipped not a sip.

And so I am trying to be strong. Intellectually I know he doesn’t need the milk. He eats a wide variety of foods, including plenty of cheese for his dairy. And I know he will drink the milk from the sippy cup eventually as this isn’t the first time we’ve tried this, although not with his morning bottle. I’ve been trying to get him to drink his after lunch milk from a cup for ages.

I also know I don’t want to make him give up his before bed bottle. We both love our pre-sleep cuddle and I would miss it.

So I was strong. And Adam had a crap morning. Tripping over his own feet twice, ending in tears. Once while holding his cup of OJ. So OJ on the floor, crying, cranky baby.

Then Simon got up (Sundays he gets to lie in. I get Saturdays). And I told him about our morning. And he said ‘Give him some milk in a bottle. I bet that will help.” So I did. And it did.

And I will continue to do so. Despite the judgement of others. Despite my own lack of strength in the matter.

I doubt he will drink milk out of a bottle at Uni. But so what if he does???

*Okay, so I don’t actually believe in the Lord referenced in my title, but it sounded good and I do believe in a higher power.

I Don’t Know How Long It Will Last

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but last night Adam slept from 8 – 7. He hasn’t slept that late in, possibly, forever. Never mind without a peep.

Well, not a peep. I did hear something around 2 am. And then heard nothing. And I mean nothing. Not even his snoring. And he snores like his Daddy snores. Being an anxious person I had to get out of bed and make sure he was okay. And to pee. 🙂

He was fine. But I was up for at least another 30 minutes. My stupid brain.

At least Fridays are my morning off and Simon is still on holiday so I got to laze in bed for another hour or so when Adam woke up at 7. And tomorrow is my other morning off and it’s Saturday so more lie in for me!

I was still exhausted today. So tired Simon actually said I looked tired, which I rarely look. I had a long nap after lunch and that helped some.

The other good news is that the cortisone shot I had in my hip seems to be doing some good.  For the first time in a long time it doesn’t hurt. Neither do my knee or my foot. It’s very odd to not be in pain down my left side. The Ortho said if it was going to work I would definitely have less or no pain all down my leg. And he was right. He’ll do a follow up call in about 5 weeks and when I tell him it worked he’ll do another shot in a couple of months. A person can have 3 a year, if it seems to work.

There is definitely something further wrong with my knee but there is nothing they can do about it. And I’ll never be pain free, thanks to the Fibro, but at least things are much much better.

This was suppose to be a post about Adam’s sleep. ::shrug:: I’ve had some wine. I’m rambling. 🙂

 

Feeling Like A Fraud

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I was once part of a discussion on Mumsnet regarding when we all felt like mothers. My answer was that it was the moment they took Adam away from me to put him in an incubator in SCBU. All I wanted was to be with my baby and I couldn’t, least of all because my spinal block hadn’t worn off and I couldn’t feel anything from the waist down, never mind get up and walk.

But that’s not entirely true. Because I still have many moments, nearly every day, when I feel like a fraud. That I want to see who is standing behind me when someone calls me ‘Mummy’. Even when that someone is me.

I felt it at least once today, when Adam and I were playing with his new garbage truck, one of many vehicle related gifts Grandma gave him while she was here, and I said to him ‘Hand that to Mummy.’ And I had a moment of ‘Wait. Who? Hand it to who?!?’

I’ve written before about never having a ‘OMG I’m the Mummy’ over the top freak out moment, a la Jamie in the old US sitcom Mad About You. But I seem to have small moments of it through out the day.

Another example is one day when I went to pick Adam up from daycare and half of his class were in the garden and the rest were inside so the nursery staff outside shouted through the window ‘Adam’s Mummy is here!’ I honestly had to stop myself from turning around to see who was behind me.

I liken this feeling to a moment I had, albeit once, after my brother had his first daughter. I was driving somewhere, idly thinking, as you do, and it suddenly hit me; ‘OMG my brother is a father!!!!’ I mentioned to him and he said ‘Yeah, I have that thought a lot!’

11 and half years on I haven’t asked him if he still has that thought or not. If I am going to have these ‘OMG I’m a Mummy!’ thoughts for the rest of my life or if they pass.

I think I’ll ask him. J? You reading this? Do you still have those moments?!?!

My New Boots!!!!

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The saga of the boots started last year when my beautiful Aldo boots barely lasted the winter season. I was not happy, since they were about £60.

Anyone who knows me knows I never spend that much on myself. On Adam? Sure. Simon? Uh huh. Me? I’m happy with a £20 pair of whatever. Simon yells at me as they don’t last, but I just can’t spend that much money on myself.

The Aldo boots were a treat, bought with, I think, our anniversary present money from my mom and a bit I had saved up from other things. I thought, being Aldo, they’d last at least 2 years. It was not to be.

So I have been looking for new boots since the end of last winter, in the sales. One problem, I have, as my friend Jean says, teeny weeny baby feet. A UK size 4 or 5. Tiny. Gone by the time the sales come around.

But when my mom was here in January she offered to buy me a nice pair as a birthday treat, my birthday being in February. So we looked. And looked. And looked. In House of Fraser. In Dunnes. In M&S. In little shops and big. It was not to be. Tons of boots in the sales. None in my size.

And I’ve continued to look as more things went on sale. Nada.

And then mom came back into town. And we talked about boots and how I was going to have to buy them when the new season came out, despite having to pay full price, which killed me. But I need good quality boots for the winter, especially as I walk all over town pushing a pram with a small boy. And mom said the boot offer was still open.

And so we went to Clarks. And they had a few left from last season. Didn’t fit. New boots weren’t in yet though.

And then mom went to Ecco to look at shoes saw they had some boots. And so we went back, even though I think Ecco shoes are ugly.

And I found MY BOOTS!

They are comfortable, they fit. The even look good!

And so I have boots.

Thanks mom!

Had A Date Today

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It was with my husband. I’m not having an affair or anything. 🙂

My mom took care of Adam and Simon and I went and saw Captain America.

I didn’t expect to like it, as I am not a comic book fan, but it was the only thing Simon wanted to see and I had no preference. However, it was excellent. Full of action, adventure, good story and good acting.

We, here in the land where Joss Whedon is king god, we are looking forward to The Avengers very much. And now more than ever.

Also? Chris Evans is very cute.

Tommy Lee Jones, however, looks like he’s been ill.

And, Marvel comics needs to learn the difference between possessive and plural in their end credits. Not “PA’s” but “PAs”, for example.

Finally, stay to the end of the credits. Trust me on this. 🙂