Changes

So obviously, my life has changed since having Adam.  I’ve mentioned this before.

But I have been thinking about physical changes lately.

Some of them are small, like the fact that my hands seem to get waterlogged a lot quicker these days.  One round of washing  up and my palms are all wrinkled.  I used to soak in the bathtub for hours and barely be wrinkled.

Or the fact that I get hangnails, which I never used to get.  I think that’s because I use that alcohol rub stuff after nappy changes, since there is no sink in his room.  Could be the reason for the wrinkly hands too, I guess.

Of course, some of them are big.  I have a very long scar just above my pubic bone, for example.  But I like that scar.  It brought my son into the world.

My hips hurt more than they used to.  Also due to my son.

Of course, all of these things are due to my son.

And I revel in every one of them.

Has Been A Rough Couple of Days…

Adam has not been settling easily and eating constantly.  Tried changing his formula, doesn’t seem to have made him any less hungry.  I will speak to the Health Visitor about it on Wednesday when she stops by to see him.

Also, my arthritis is kicking in.  My hands have been hurting a lot and my legs.  Part of it is fatigue and the reason I do think I may  have fibromyalgia.  I am suppose to have another appointment with the Rheumatoid people in a few months and we’ll pick back up the investigation.

I am counting down the days until I can start doing yoga again.  I really miss it.  I may have to do some basic positions with Adam in a sling, but at least I’ll be able to get moving again in a couple of weeks.

Being a mummy is the hardest and bestest thing I have ever done.

Ouch! Must Learn How to Walk…

so I was coming home from work tonight and tripped over a curb.  I appear to have landed on my right knee, arm and breast, as those are what hurt.  I apparently did not land on my bump, as it doesn’t hurt.  I think the baby just got shook up a bit, as it has been kicking me since I got home and sat down.

I have really skinned the hell out of my knee, including blood.  And it really really hurts badly.

I do remember thinking, as I felt myself fall ‘PROTECT YOUR BUMP’.

So mummy instincts kick in from the very start.

Mostly I just scared myself.  It was really scary.  And could have used some liniment for my pride as three people saw me fall and said ‘are you okay…OMG you’re pregnant, are you sure you’re okay?!?!’

There, just got kicked again.  Maybe the baby will be a thrill ride seeker. 🙂

So, Am I Psychic?

Last night I had a dream that there was a hole in the side of the milk we just received in our grocery order.  It was a slightly strange dream (who dreams about milk?!?) not just because of the milk but because I couldn’t seem to get Simon to understand why there was no milk in the jug, even though there was this HUGE hole in it.

This morning?  The actual milk in our fridge was sitting in a puddle of milk.

I don’t actually see a hole in the jug, certainly not the great gaping hole I dreamt about, but it certainly seems to be leaking!  Its sitting on a plate now.

So, am I psychic or did I notice something odd when it went into the fridge yesterday and it took sleeping to process it?

I am voting for psychic.

Stage Two Complete…

Today I got my hair coloured.  I haven’t had this done in about 3 years.  Maybe 4.

My New Hair

Not the best picture of me ever, but if you look close at the top, you can see the red low lights.  And no more gray!

So, Stage One was a dress.  Complete.  Stage Two, my hair. Complete.

Stage Three is getting nails done, which is being done on the day before we leave for Tuscany, in the hopes I won’t chip them before the wedding 3 days later!  I am also, for the first time ever, getting my eyebrows waxed at the same time.  That should be interesting…

My Friend Cat

posted in her blog 48 things that people did not know about her. I was going to do the same, only I have kinda realized that I have shared pretty much everything with you!

So I might not make it to 48, but here is a list of things that you might not know about me: –

  1. I identify as bisexual
  2. I repeated 11th grade
  3. I remember when it was just GLB.
  4. And GLBT.
  5. And really think the inclusivity thing is getting a little ridiculous.
  6. I curse like a sailor.
  7. I actually have two friends who go by the name Cat.
  8. I am really very good at word games.

And I really must reveal a lot about myself on this site, because I have been working on this list for about 2 days, and that’s all I can come up with!

I Am A Shamless Copy Cat

and a shameless hussy, but that’s a post for another day…

Over at The Pioneer Woman Ree posted an entry about changes in plans and invited her readers to post about their own expectations for their lives versus where they actually were.  She, as usual,  got over 1,600 replies.  I didn’t reply there, perfering to post such a thing here at my own blog.  Hopefully Ree won’t mind so much!

So, in my early 20s, where did I think I’d be?  Living in NY.  Doing theater lighting design.  Having a fabulous NY style life!  Or at least some city somewhere.  Definitely not married.  Definitely no kids.  Carefree and single, that’s what I would be!

And where am I?  Belfast, so I got the city part right!  Married, to a man I adore.  Trying really hard for kids.  Not having worked in any theater anywhere for over 10 years and not missing it at all.

So am I disappointed I didn’t get my glamours NY life?  Not at all.  I am very happy where I am.  In my beautiful flat in Belfast, living my maybe not so exciting but very fullfilling city life.

Go read some of the commnts on Ree’s blog.  Some will make you smile.  Some will break your heart.  All of them have something to say.

On Being Shy

Most people who know me today, who haven’t known me my entire life, would never believe how shy I actually am.  I have spent my entire life pushing that shyness into a box deep inside me.  But I still am really really shy.

I was the hiding behind mom’s skirts kind of shy for a very very long time.  So shy that even family gatherings made me feel a little sick, especially if they were full of all sides of my family, such as my uncle’s families and the like.  I knew who they all were, more or less, but I could never remember all their names, or what I was suppose to call them, i.e. should I call Cousin X’s Aunt, aunt? Or is she not my aunt, so I should just call her Y? And I was always too shy to ask anyone, even my mother, the names of people I was suppose to know already and couldn’t remember.  So I would hide.  Behind my mother.  With the cousins I did know.

I think being shy is what leads, in some part, for me at least, to being Borderline Agoraphobic.  Its that same sort of sick feeling inside, slightly embarrassed, nervous, unsure.  What if I make a fool of myself?  What if I do know that one person and I don’t remember that I know them?  That has actually happened to me at work.  People have come to the office and have been all ‘Hi Robyn, How are you?’ and I fake my way through knowing who they are until I figure it out.  And strangly, its people that are coming to see me that I do this with the most.  I can almost always identify for my boss who someone is (he’s brain is worse than mine!) or if the CEO shouts out “Whose that guy we know at XXX?” I can tell him.  But if I run into some vendor of mine in the lobby of our main building?  I usually can’t remember who they are, unless I’ve met them at least 2 or 3 times.

In some weird way this is wrapping itself up in the way I feel about my cousin being here for a week.  For 99.999999% of it, I am so excited to see her I could die.  We haven’t seen each other in about 10 years, we’ve always gotten along great (including a truly memorable trip to London with her and our grandmother OMG 23 years ago) and I can’t wait to hear straight from the horses mouth what it is like to live in a country like East Timor, where she’s been for donkey’s years.  But that .0000001% of me is that little girl who wants to go hide behind her mother’s skirts.

That same part of me is floating around right now because I’ve just been assigned to represent NISP at both Science and Innovation Week organisational meetings, and for Darwin200 organisational meetings.  I know my role, event space offering, I know what I can tell them in terms of discounts vs donated space.  But my heart is in my throat at the idea that the Tuesday after I get back from holiday I have to walk into the meeting room they’ve booked at a City Centre Hotel and say “Hi, Robyn Fraser, from NISP.”

I know I can do it.  But I’m already terrfied.

I imagine I’ll be a wreck on the day.

And, darn it, due to huge economy drive at work?  They won’t let me get my own business cards.  Which would surely help!!!

I’m Up Really Early Again Today…

No idea why.  I wish we could stop treating the symptoms and start figuring out what the hell is going on.  I will be bringing that up with my doc when next I see her.

My shoulder is much better, if itchy.  I called the doc’s office yesterday to see if the results were in from the Friday swab.  They weren’t in, but there was a note in my file that there was a ‘script for me to pick up.  So treatment room switched me to the front desk so I could see if it was actually physically there.  Who could not actually find said ‘script.  Doc wasn’t actually in the office yesterday (so how did she put in that I needed a new ‘script?!?!  That message wasn’t there when I rang on Tuesday!), so I have to ring back today and see if I can get this figured out.  Wow, there were a lot of ‘actuallys’ in that paragraph…

In other news, Account Manager was back in the office yesterday.  She can work 10 days without losing her Maternity Benefits, so she is coming in to help with the yearly Audit.  It was good to have her around.  The girls went and had a long leisurely lunch and a good catch up gabfest.

And that’s all the news that fits on this *lovely* day in Northern Ireland.  That was sarcasm.  If anyone sees the sun today, can they send it this way?  We seem to have misplaced it!