So, I wanted to breastfeed my son. Not just because of all of the ‘breast is best’ propaganda around these days, but because it seems like a lovely way to feed a baby. All that snuggling and skin on skin contact while giving my son his very best start, what could be bad with that?
So from the start, my very first appointment with a midwife, they asked me how I intended to feed my baby. And I always answered, with no hesitation ‘breast’. I knew there could be issues, that the art, if you will, of breast feeding has been lost some where along the way but that millions of women were doing it. And I really wanted to.
And then he was born. And wouldn’t even do a first feed in recovery due to his breathing. And then he taken away from me within hours to be put in SCBU. So I started hand expressing and did get a few milliliters of colostrum for him. Which he took through a tube.
And then I got an electric pump while I was in hospital. And I hooked myself up, every 3 hours, including round the clock. And still only got a few drops.
So I started on the wives tales. Fennel Tea. Lactation Cookies. More expressing. Sitting looking at him. Smelling him.
And still I never expressed more than about 10 ml every 3 hours. Not even close to enough to feed my hungry son, who by the end of his first week was up to 60 – 90 ml (90 ml is about 3 oz) every 3 – 4 hours. My milk has just never come in.
And so I made the decision. Cow and Gate via bottle. I cried and agonized over this decision. I fretted and worried. What kind of mother can’t feed her son?
And then I realized I could feed my son. I know formula isn’t the same as breast milk, no matter what it says on the tin. But its keeping his tummy full. And he is very healthy, according to the Health Visitor who was around yesterday. And he’s content (well, as content as an 11 day old baby ever is 🙂 ).
What really angers me is other people’s reactions. I’m sorry if to you I’m not a complete Mummy because I am not breastfeeding. But when eating time becomes a battle of wills? Not good for Mummy or Baby.
And it angers me the lack of support that some women show other women for their choices. For their failures, if you will. There are no pefect mummies. Everyone makes choices for their children. And all over the world women judge other women for those choices.
And the judging is not just over breast versus bottle. Its disposable versus reusable. Public school versus home schooling. Free Range versus total watching.
And none of these issue, and many others, have a right or a wrong answer. And yet we all judge each other about them every day. And it needs to stop.
We are all mummies together. We all have one common goal, to raise our kids to be the very best human beings they can be, or I hope that is the overall goal for all mummies. I know it is my goal!
And if it isn’t your goal? I can respect that. And support you in that.
Can you do the same for me?
i totally agree with you. There is this whole push for breast over bottle which is different from it was a few years ago. As long as mum and baby are both happy, baby is getting fed then what does it matter. Breast feeding is supposed to be one of the most difficult things you can do and I don’t see the point in making yourself stressed over it. If it works it works, if it doesn’t then there is a perfectly good alternative. Who was giving you grief for it?
I’m not a parent, but I fully support you and what you do.
I had a friend who was pushed by hard by the hospital to breast feed, even though her daughter wasn’t latching on. She felt like a failure due to the same pressures you talk about here.
She discovered later that the hospital, in order to maintain some sort of birthing center accreditation or ranking, has to get a minimum number of moms breastfedding. It had nothing to do with what was best for my friend or her child — it was completely political. Once she learned that, she was able to let go and stop blaming herself.
I agree that women have a ridiculous amount of pressure placed on them about raising their kids…and breastfeeding is just the beginning. And I haven’t even had kids yet! Trust your instincts. They have served women for EVER in childrearing!
You know, my mom only breastfed myself and my sister (and my sister didn’t even get a full length of time because she became bitey and my mom had to switch her to formula after only a month). My brother and my 2 half brothers were all completely formula babies. And they were just fine. You do what you need to do as a parent, and if that means formula, then bully for you for taking care of your wee one in the best way possible. You’re an awesome mom, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
As I said elsewhere, I wouldn’t feed. So Mum formula fed me.
30 years later I am still here, and I have a fantastic bond with my Mum.
I still don’t like milk though 😉
I couldn’t agree more, and support you wholeheartedly. I’ve made a lot of parenting decisions over the last 13 years, and I’m sure there are people who’d disagree with any one of them (sure, I breastfed, but I also raised my kids to not believe in Santa Claus — which didn’t exactly make me mom-of-the-year in first grade). The Mommy Wars are out there, sadly, but you’re absolutely right — unless someone is actually abusing their child, it’s complete BS. We’re all doing the best we can, and nobody needs competitive parenting. (Don’t get me started on the subject of competitive birthday parties — that deserves its own rant.) So, hang in there, and do what’s best for you and Adam!
I really hate to see women tearing each other apart.
If he’s healthy and happy, and you’re healthy and happy, then you are feeding him in the right way for the both of you. And don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
I couldn’t agree with you more. I’ve been ripped up one side and down the other for thinking that the Baby Whisperer was onto something on a site that was “crunchier” than I knew at the time. God forbid I mention that I think that spanking can be an appropriate disciplinary measure on rare occasion.
There will always be people who will try to play Monday morning quarterback with other people’s choices. Why? I don’t know, maybe to make themselves feel better about theirs. I’m not apologetic about anything so far with raising Em, and you have no reason to be either. As long as you and Simon are on the same page, that’s all that really matters for Adam.
*hugs* Now where are those pictures?
GG, sweetie, it angers me when I hear that women judge other women so harshly.
Several of my friends have recently had babies of their own, and they (and I) found out, to their utter astonishment, that many women *cannot* breastfeed. It’s a hard thing for a woman to come to terms with, that she can’t breastfeed her own child, and other women should be understanding, instead of judgemental.
You’re an incredible mother, and you’re going to continue to be an incredible mother, making careful and informed decisions for your child. Don’t let other people ever make you think differently.
I agree all women should support each other. I blogged about this yesterday too. How can I follow you?