So, being responsible parents, when Adam was born Simon and I put certain financial strategies into place. One was to set up an ISA.  No problem, only an ISA can only accept a deposit of £250 or more at one time in the UK (no idea if this is true of the US).  My mom gives money for birthdays and Chanukkah that are to be put away for the child for their education.  Now we used his ‘welcome to the earth present’ to set up the ISA but needed a place to put these smaller amounts so they would gather a bit of interest and eventually be £250 to be added to the ISA.

So I looked on our bank’s website and decided on their eSaver account.  Its a total online account and you get a little extra interest because you never need to go into the bank.  Great, perfect for technophiles like Simon and I!

I started the process to set up this account just after we got back from the US, as my mom had given me the first of Adam’s gifts for Channukah.  So 1st week of January.  Please note that it is now 23rd February. And the account has finally been opened today.

First when I tried to apply online, my address was listed as wrong, but the form wouldn’t let me change it.  So I ring (phone call number 1) to get them to fix it.  They go through the security questions, I get one of them wrong, but they can’t tell me which one.   The guy on the phone actually said to me ‘I can put you through to the branch if there is someone there who can vouch for you?’  Is he serious? The only time I talk to a teller is when I have change to turn into bills.  They wouldn’t know me if I dropped dead in their lobby.  So into the branch I go.

The nice woman at the branch looks at the account and says everything is fine.  When I tell her I got a security question wrong but the phone guy couldn’t tell me which one, she actually rolled her eyes.  She made a note in the account that I came in with ID and sent me on my way.

Try again online.  Still has the wrong address in the form.  Phone call 2.  This time the woman tells me that it is my address that I got wrong.  What?!?  So trip 2 to the branch.

This time a different woman looks again and says ‘oh.  Your address and your husband’s address are listed differently.  You do live together?’ Um, yeah, for over 6 years now.  I do not live down the road from him, imagine that? So she changes it in her computer and sends me on my merry way.

Please note that at this point it has taken 2 trips to the branch and 2 phone calls to set up an account that is suppose to give you a little extra interest because you never have to deal with a human.

So I sit down to do it again online.  AHA! My address is right.  Wait, what’s this? Data error, please ring.  Oh FFS!  So I ring for the 3rd time.  Go through the security questions.  ‘Mrs Fraser, we have your husband’s birthday listed as 1979.’  Okay, I know I robbed the cradle a bit, but by 10 years?  That’s right, back into the branch with Simon and his birth certificate to prove that I only robbed the cradle by 5 years.  We’ve had this joint Current Account for 6 years and this has just come up? So much for banking security.

Bank contact count:  Calls 3. Trips to branch 3.

Finally manage to finish the entire form online and wait for my paperwork.  Paperwork arrives.  Uh oh.  Need proof of address.  Utility bill, nope all in Simon’s name.  Driver’s License? Nope don’t have one.  Anything on the list? Nope.  See note at bottom of page ‘if you have nothing on this list please ring.’  So I ring.  ‘You have nothing on the list?’ No.  Sorry, can’t open account.

So I place the paperwork on the shredding pile and say to Simon ‘guess we can’t open this.’  We are both a bit bewildered at this since we already have an account with them, which, when we opened it, we had to prove our address.  But that doesn’t count.

And then, the miracle occurred.  We received our Tax Credit Letter, with both of our names on it! Hurrah! An official letter from HM Revenue and Customs and its on The List!  I would like it noted here that at no time did HMR&C ever ask for proof of address, so how the bank can use that letter as proof of address is beyond me.

Anyway, I head into the bank last week with my passport and the letter.  And get told Simon and I have to come in together. :sigh:

So this past Saturday Simon and I finally had the time and nothing more urgent to do on a Saturday and we got the proof into the bank.

And yesterday I get an email ‘Congratulations, your eSaver is set up!  Please access it online the same way you do your Current Account!’

But its not there when I log on. :sigh:

I decide to give them 24 hours because sometimes these things happen.

Eh Violá!  This morning, it was there.  Only, there appeared to be no way to transfer from the Current Account to the eSaver…so I rang the bank.  Apparently a special form had to be filled out to allow us to transfer our own money from our Current Account to the eSaver.  It would be done tomorrow.

And then I was at Tesco when my mobile phone rang.  It was the bank.  So sorry for the confusion, your account has been open for so long that some how this debit feature was never set up.  Um, okay, but we pay standing orders from it all the time.  Yes ma’am but this part was not set up.  Now it is.

I get home. Eh Violá!  I transferred some money from our Current Account to the new eSaver.

So let’s recap.  To set up a savings account that was created specifically so that you get some extra interest for never bothering the bank:

Bank Visits: 5

Phone calls: 6 from me 1 to me

And almost 8 weeks to complete.  And probably 2 – 3 hours of my time.

That extra interest had better add up.