So, He’s Like Me In *Some* Ways…

Adam and I went to the dentist this week. We know how to celebrate half term, let me tell you!

And it turns out both Adam and I have cavities. So yay?

The other thing that was noted was that his 6-year molars have very deep crevices on the inside face as well as deep craters on top. And when they fill his cavity in a few weeks Chris, our dentist, is going to see what he can do about those as well.

Now, anyone who has seen my son and my husband will tell you, without a doubt, that he is Simon’s son. From the colour of his hair to the shape of his face he is Simon’s Mini-Me. Adding glasses on his face just made it more obvious! I often joke that if I hadn’t been there when he came out, I’d doubt he’s mine.

But this is something we have in common. I have a very strong memory, recalled again when the crevices were mentioned, of my childhood dentist telling my mom the same thing about me. I was older than Adam, probably 9 or 10, when it was mentioned and dealt with.

And I have another very clear memory of the sigh my mom gave and the look she gave me when she was told this. I remember asking later ‘Did I do something to make those craters?’ as I had interpreted the look as ‘great, she’s done it again’. My mom said, ‘no, of course not.’

And now, 40ish years on I realized what that sigh and that look meant. It wasn’t ‘Great Robyn’s causing more trouble’ it was ‘Great, more money spent/insurance papers to process/similar adult thing that I couldn’t understand then’.

Not what our dentist is like

By Uncredited WPA photographer 1936 New Orleans. Not what our dentist is like. Thank god! 😀

But I understand now. Because I didn’t sigh or send my son a look, but I did start planning, in my head, the social story I was going to create about getting a tooth drilled and filled. And wondering if I should ring school and let them know and see if they had one available. Adult thoughts. Mother thoughts. I’m not much of a sigher but I might have sighed at this.

 

My concerns now are different than my mother’s concerns then, since I have the additional challenge of autism in these situations, but a mother’s concerns are all based on the same thing.

Doing everything we can to help our children.

Usually after a moment of ‘oh god, I’m so over this.’

 

I Am So Proud Of My Son

There’s been some stuff going on with him that I’ve not been blogging about and I’m not going to get into details yet. He’s fine, just having some challenges at school and in life that we’re working on.

One of his challenges has been letting the dentist look at his teeth. Not clean them, or anything, just look at them.

Yesterday, my son conquered his fear and let the dentist look.

I nearly cried. It was such a huge step for him.

All his teeth are there, they look in fairly decent position and as clean as can be expected.

And my son let the dentist look at them.

I’ve never been prouder.

Genetic Memory?

Today Adam and I went to the dentist.

He was absolutely fine as he sat watching CBeeBies in the waiting room while I went to have my teeth cleaned. The receptionist checked on him every few minutes and said he never moved. Just played with the train he brought and watched the TV.

And then the dental assistant came in to call us back to see the dentist. And Adam freaked out. Total screaming, crying, running away freak out. I managed to corner him in the dentists treatment room and pull him into my lap. The dentist, whose name is Chris, came in and, since Adam was screaming so loudly, he actually managed to have a look and see that all of Adam’s teeth are indeed in and that they look okay.

So I took Adam back to the reception room and he instantly calmed down. I went back into the dentist as it was time for my check up. And Chris said ‘Have we ever hurt him?’

‘Nope,’ I replied. ‘All you’ve ever done is look. Rita (the hygienist) and I sort of held him down last time so she could see, but she certainly didn’t hurt him.’

So why is my son so scared?

It was suggested that perhaps he was picking up on my fear, except I no longer have a fear of the dentist. This is why I go to Loughridge Dental Care, even though they are private. Because they helped me over come my fear of dentists.

So Chris and I mused that perhaps there is just an innate fear of people poking at our teeth.

We then discussed how we can help him as eventually he will need to get his teeth cleaned. Bernie, Chris’ assistant, pointed out that he was fine in the waiting room. So they noted on Adam’s chart to see if Adam would let Chris look while sitting there. And that Adam and I would go alone into the treatment room, play on the chair, etc, to try to show Adam that it’s not so bad.

And maybe, just maybe, at his next visit? He’ll be able to tell us what’s scaring him.

BTW, I have no cavities and my gums are much better. And if you live in Belfast and need a dentist? I highly recommend Chris and his team.

They rock.

I Am Trying To Write A Very Hard Post

And I’m really stuck. It’s about accepting my physical limitations.

So let’s talk about something else.

Yesterday’s dentist appointment wasn’t as bad as I feared it would be. Adam was scared, for sure, and I had to force him to open his mouth, after the hygienist and I spent quite a bit of time trying to coax him. He isn’t verbal enough yet to say ‘XYZ is why I am scared.’ Maybe next time and we can talk about it and he can get past it. All the hygienist does is look at this point, so really nothing too scary.

He then went into their waiting room and we put CBeeBies on the TV for him and I got my teeth cleaned without a hysterical boy in the corner. Hygienist very pleased with my teeth and my gums are finally improving.

We then and got a treat at Co-Op of crisps and chocolate chip cookies, both to have with our lunch. And then we came home. And had said lunch and a long snuggle on the sofa. Which is how we like to spend most afternoons, after doing things in the morning.

Today he is at nursery and I did some work and am doing some stuff around the house. A bunch of curtain rings broke on our front window curtains so I replaced those today. They look much better now that they are hanging correctly! Also unpacked some more books and dug out Adam’s 3T pyjamas that grandma brought last time she was here.

I knew it was time when I was changing his nappy this morning just after he woke up and I noticed his big toes poking through the feet of his pyjamas! My son, The Hulk! So I pulled the 3Ts out of the drawer and held them up to me. They should fit him just fine now!

And then I had some lunch and then I did some more pottering around the house. Now I’m going to switch laundry over and then I’m going to clean up the kitchen.

And then I am going to chill for a bit and then I’m going to go pick up my son from nursery.

And that’s a day in the life of a SAHM/Freelance Online Media Specialist.

Not all that exciting.

But it makes me happy.

A Good Dentist Is To Be Prized Beyond Rubies…

So, if you asked my mom what my number one fear was, she’d say, probably with no hesitation, the dentist.

This fear was started when I was about 3 or 4 and went to what might have been my very first ‘real’ dentist appointment, as in was going to have a cleaning etc.

New things are scary for small children anyway, and this dentist was an idiot.  First of all, my mom wasn’t allowed in with me.  Second of all, as I sat there, screaming and crying with fear, he clamped his hand over my mouth and told me to shut up.  My mom eventually made it past the receptionist and got me out of there.  But the worst part? Was this same receptionist (or whatever she was) leaning over into my still sniffling, crying face and saying ‘You’re going to behave next time, aren’t you Robyn.’  I’m not sure if my mom actual said ‘There won’t be a next time.’  But I know I never saw that dentist again.

This bad beginning was compounded by years of painful dental treatment.  I have a very small mouth (shush you in the back) and a very tight frenulum, which is the small piece of skin that attaches your upper lip to your gums.  If you run your tongue along the front of your top teeth, you’ll feel it there.  So I was given a frenectomy to remove it and loosen my top lip, in preparation for braces.  It didn’t work.  And my frenulum? More or less grew back.

And then my adult teeth began coming in.  And X-Rays showed that both of my eye teeth were coming through the roof of my mouth.  At that point I was already wearing braces (which, now that I think about it, doesn’t make much sense, why did  I have braces before all my adult teeth were in? Mom?) so they cut into the roof of my mouth, brought my eye teeth down and attached them to my braces to bring them forward.  Since they didn’t get a chance to mature all the way, my eye teeth are about 60% bonding, to make them the right size.

Then there was wisdom teeth removal.  And other bad dental experiences.

Where I finally ended up as was a grown up who didn’t go to the dentist.  For years.

Oh I went occasionally.  I had a half way decent dentist on the Embarcadero when I worked in San Francisco.  Then I stopped working in the city and stopped going.

And then I moved to Belfast.  At some point in the last 7 years I did find a dentist who I saw maybe 2 or 3 times before she closed her City Centre office.  Her other office was all the way who the hell knows where and so I stopped going again.

And then I had Adam.

Now Simon is about as good as I am about going to the dentist.  So we made a pact.  I would find us all a NHS dentist and we’d all start going.

And then I rang every dentist on the NHS registry located in Belfast.  And not *one* of them was taking new patients.

And then I rang Loughridge Dental Care. They don’t do NHS dentistry (except children, Adam is on NHS until he’s 4).  And they aren’t cheap.

But they are the most wonderful dental practice I have ever experienced.

From the moment I spoke to their receptionist/dental assistant on the phone, I knew this was the place for me.  She was kind and  understanding.  She let me ask many many questions.

And then I met Chris Loughridge, the dentist.  Who came into the waiting room and said ‘I’m Chris.  I’m the dentist.’  He was so relaxed and so obviously enjoyed what he did.

The next two hours were exhausting and intensive, with XRays and a partial cleaning (my teeth were so bad Rita, the hygienist, could only get the top done in the amount of time she had) and a long talk with Chris as to what I wanted out of my dentistry and my history (including the above story which shocked him) and where should we go from there?

Where we went from there was my second appointment, which was today.  The XRays found 3 cavities, including my cracked tooth that I knew about as I’ve been sticking my tongue into the hole for years!  The dental team also found fairly profound gum disease and the need for major, deep cleaning.

So today we filled the crack in my tooth.  And Chris is the first dentist I have every had who managed to pre-numb my gum enough that I never felt the needle.  Who waited long enough for the Novocaine to actually work.  Who filled my tooth with no pain.  Who got me to breath and relax.  Who cracked jokes as he drilled.

Of course, it helped that Adam was sitting over by a window, in his pram, babbling away and making all of us laugh!

But I laughed at Chris as well, as he asked me if I was sure I didn’t want to have the other two filled today, on the other side of my mouth, so I wouldn’t be able to talk at all? I told him I was sure!!

And so, I have found a dentist.  Hopefully Simon will be seeing him soon as well.  And Adam has had his first check up (in that Chris and I got him to open his mouth and Chris counted his teeth!).

And with a bit of luck, and frequent preventative care, Adam will never hear the words I heard today when Rita said ‘I’ll need you to come back.  I’ll need to numb you to get the bottom teeth clean.’

And hopefully, I’ll never hear it again either.