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The Absence of Expected Pain

Today I finally got a cortisone shot. One I’ve been trying to get for over two years after my last one helped so much.

Why it’s taken two years is not the point (God Bless the NHS). The point is that today my leg is pain free.

My leg is never pain free. If my hip feels okay, my knee aches. If, by some miracle, both of those things feel fine, my fibro flares. But today, temporarily, thanks to the anaesthetic that is part of getting a cortisone injection, I feel no pain at all.

It’s disturbing.

If some part of you hurts all the time, and I mean 24/7/365, and then suddenly doesn’t? It’s a shock to the system. It almost makes you want to cause yourself pain, so you can recognize your own usually painful place.

And, in this case, I can’t take advantage of it feeling so good. I’m on ‘sit as much as you can’ for the next 48 hours and then ‘you can go more or less back to normal, but do not over do it’ for the rest of the week.

So tomorrow Simon is walking Adam to school. And my mega shopping excursion on Friday is being cut down to a hair cut and then straight home.

And by then some of the pain will be back anyway.

In fact, some of it will be back by bedtime tonight.

Cortisone won’t help the fibro. Dammit.

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I Don’t Know How Long It Will Last

but last night Adam slept from 8 – 7. He hasn’t slept that late in, possibly, forever. Never mind without a peep.

Well, not a peep. I did hear something around 2 am. And then heard nothing. And I mean nothing. Not even his snoring. And he snores like his Daddy snores. Being an anxious person I had to get out of bed and make sure he was okay. And to pee. 🙂

He was fine. But I was up for at least another 30 minutes. My stupid brain.

At least Fridays are my morning off and Simon is still on holiday so I got to laze in bed for another hour or so when Adam woke up at 7. And tomorrow is my other morning off and it’s Saturday so more lie in for me!

I was still exhausted today. So tired Simon actually said I looked tired, which I rarely look. I had a long nap after lunch and that helped some.

The other good news is that the cortisone shot I had in my hip seems to be doing some good.  For the first time in a long time it doesn’t hurt. Neither do my knee or my foot. It’s very odd to not be in pain down my left side. The Ortho said if it was going to work I would definitely have less or no pain all down my leg. And he was right. He’ll do a follow up call in about 5 weeks and when I tell him it worked he’ll do another shot in a couple of months. A person can have 3 a year, if it seems to work.

There is definitely something further wrong with my knee but there is nothing they can do about it. And I’ll never be pain free, thanks to the Fibro, but at least things are much much better.

This was suppose to be a post about Adam’s sleep. ::shrug:: I’ve had some wine. I’m rambling. 🙂


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This Past Weekend My Leg Was Quite Bad

after a week of a 28 pound child spending most of his time in my lap, on that leg, it’s not surprising.

Sitting on the floor, which I used to do all the time and prefer to sitting on a chair, hurts. A lot. Especially if my leg already hurts.

But, for the first time ever, on Saturday, Adam came over to me and took me by the hand and asked me to sit on the floor and play with him. He usually prefers to play by himself so him asking me to play was momentous.

So, despite the pain in my leg, I got down on the floor. We looked at books and pushed cars around and, for some reason known only to him, held the pieces of the big puzzle in our hands. When I tried to lay them out and put them together, they were very decidedly picked back up and put back into my hands!

Iggle Piggle Card!!

Did it hurt? Oh hell yes.

Did I do it for long? Not really. Maybe 20 minutes.

Was I happy to do it? Oh hell yes.

And I think that’s the thing non-parents and even, sometimes, my husband, don’t understand about being a mummy. That you’ll do anything for your child. Even cause yourself pain, lose yourself sleep, hold your bladder or not eat, if your child needs you for something.

Granted, playing on the floor or not playing on the floor is not a need, per se. But my son asked me very directly to join him for the first time ever. He came over to where I was sitting on the sofa and took my hand and most definitely asked me to sit on the floor with him.

And so I swallowed my pain and went with him.

And would do so again in a heartbeat.