Last night I was talking to my sister in law and 2 nieces on Skype and we were trying to remember how old my oldest niece, now 14, was when she was first allowed to walk to their downtown on her own. We all concurred that she was probably 10, the same age she was allowed to walk to school on her own.
It got me thinking about the things we are working on with our son. He’s 5 and most definitely Not Neurotypical (NNT) in some, as yet undiagnosed, way. But his father and I are doing our best to make him as independant as possible. He has no sense about cars or other danger, so I’m not sending him to the corner shop, but we certainly expect certain things, i.e. clearing his plate, throwing out his own garbage, tidying his toys.
And I was reminded of a story a friend of mine told me. She was visiting a friend with a child the same age as my son. This child handed my friend a piece of paper or something to throw away, even though they were both standing right next to the kitchen bin. When my friend pointed this out, the child looked at her like he didn’t understand what she was saying. He had obviously never thrown anything away before. At least not at home.
So, by logical conclusion, my NNT son is more independent than her NT child.
So now I’m wondering, in general, how much you let your child do themselves. How old are they?
Are you giving them roots and wings? Or just roots?
I think the chores you are giving him are perfectly reasonable for his age. And I would consider 5 a bit young to be walking places on your own. My guys started walking to their elementary school on their own around age 7 or so, but that’s literally around the corner (and they walked with friends). Our middle school (grades 5-8) is a 40-minute walk from our house and Max did that every day, also (usually) with friends. But again, he’s much older. 🙂
Interesting. Fili is a few months younger than Adam, also NNT, and will put things in the bin. Not only when specifically asked to, but also if he has put the same sort of thing in the bin before (like banana skin). Perhaps, as parents of NNT children, we are more aware of the need to foster independence? I am not sure! I am currently working on teaching Fili to feed himself yogurt and soupand other things that easily fall off a spoon. I think a lot about how he can be helped to live more independently, it’s an important part of bringing him up!
Mind you, I also try to encourage independence in my other children, both NT, so perhaps it has more to do with personality and general views on parenting!
My son is also NNT, but not really diagnosed either. We’ve had him tested 19 ways from seven, but nothing conclusive. Started out with language-based learning difficulty, but he caught up and has read at university level since the beginning of high school. (He’s almost 16 now.) He has ADD and learning difficulties; his report card marks range from “A” to “C-“. We were told when he was 3 that he was a “slow learner” and would probably need support as an adult. I never agreed with the assessment. The only correct thing about it was that he learns slowly, but once he gets it, he has it. He will not need support as an adult, any more than anyone else does.
Re independence, his birthday is in September, near the start of school, so each year, one of his birthday “gifts” is a new chore. I think we started this at about age 5, with putting his clothes away (in the right spot in the drawer, which was marked with a label “socks”, accompanied by a picture of, you guessed it, socks. Same thing for pjs, underwear, etc. T-shirts and sweatshirts go on hangers in the closet. They look neater and it’s easier to find the one you want.) We added a new job each year: making his own bed, setting the table for dinner, helping organize the recycling on garbage night, doing his own laundry, bathing himself and washing his own hair, being responsible for setting his alarm and getting up for school, clearing the dishes and loading the dishwasher, cleaning and vacuuming his bedroom and the bathroom he uses. (Only he uses that bathroom as we have our own ensuite bathroom.) I think this year’s “gift” will be for him to cook dinner one night a week for the family. BTW, a lot of these skills fell away entirely in the early(belligerent) teenage years, but they’ve mostly come back now.
My philosophy is, if you don’t expect much, you won’t get much. If you set a goal that is reachable with some effort, it will be reached and surpassed.
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