The Baby That Wasn’t

Mumsnet is having a campaign to improve the care of women having miscarriages during and after the miscarriage occurs. One of my fellow MN Bloggers, @mmelindor, suggested that the members of the MN Bloggers Network blog about their own experiences or allow guest bloggers to use their blogs to spread the word.

And I paused and thought.

Because it is one thing I don’t think I have ever blogged about. My miscarriage.

You see, my medical notes do not ‘officially’ refer to it as a miscarriage as the first GP I saw, with the heaviest period and the most severe menstrual cramps of my life, dismissed the notion that it was anything more than a heavy period with severe cramps. Even though I have never bled that heavily before (or since) or hurt that badly. So badly I was doubled over in pain.

My GP wasn’t available when I made the appointment as she was on holiday so I saw a partner in her practice. This partner, who I usually like and is fantastic when he sees Adam, wouldn’t even listen to me explain that we had most definitely been trying to conceive and I had never hurt like that before and shouldn’t I have a scan or something? He deliberately waved his hand and dismissed it, handing me some sort of pain killer and giving me a sick note for work until I felt I could go back, once he heard my period had most definitely been due.

Once I got to see my GP, about a week later, and I told her about it she said, and I quote, “I think you’re right. It was a miscarriage.” Which made me feel a bit better but she still didn’t think I needed a scan or anything.

That happened about 2 years before we conceived Adam. Just a month or so after we started trying.

And sometimes I think about it. If that baby that wasn’t had been a baby that was, would we have two children now? Would I have been willing to do it again at 39 in a way I am not willing to do it again at 42?

And sometimes I still get angry at that first GP, for dismissing my concerns. For not listening.

And that’s nothing compared to what some women go through when they have a miscarriage. Put on wards, when the miscarriage needs medical intervention, with people who are having live babies next to them. Sent for scans at antenatal clinics and sitting next to hugely pregnant woman, as their own baby leaves them.

Receiving calls, weeks after the miscarriage, from the community midwife team, wondering why they had missed antenatal appointments as no one had informed them of the miscarriage.

And Mumsnet is trying to change this and other aspects of care for women who are losing their babies. Better staff training, better resources, better help.

And so the bloggers network is jumping on the bandwagon, getting the word out. We are Tweeting and Facebooking and yelling at the top of our internet lungs ‘Listen to us! The service is horrid! Help us!’

Help our sisters. Please.

Bucket List

So there’s a meme, started by @Ellen27, about bucket lists. She was inspired by the film of the same name which starred Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman. A bucket list is a list of things you want to do before you kick the bucket.

So I’ve been thinking about what to put on my bucket list. And I can’t think of a single thing.

Sure, there are things I want; more money, more time, more clients. But nothing that I feel I have to or need to do before I die.

Sure there are places I want to visit; Paris springs to mind. But, again, not something I feel I absolutely need to do before I die.

I’ve seen lists of things like ‘be a kinder person every day’ and ‘spend more time with my family’. That’s not what I call a ‘do it before you die’ thing.

So I guess it means I’m content. I have the big things I want: a husband I love, a son who is becoming more wonderful every day, I am my own boss. My health could be better but there isn’t much I can do about that.

So I guess my Bucket List is to just…live.

And I’m okay with that.

I Am Not A Farmer

I do not live in Scotland.

But, please, read these two blogs: –

Awful News on The Farm at the back of beyond

21st Century Clearances on Salt and Caramel

The first is written by a fellow MN blogger who lives on a tenant farm in Scotland. Thanks to the meadeval Scottish land tenancy laws, she is about to lose everything due to a negligent landlord. Her roof has, literally, fallen in, she has no clean water, no heat. Her husband’s family has been on the land since the 1800s and their house is about to be declared unsafe and they will be forced to move. She has very little legal recourse.

The second is also written by a MN blogger. She has some more details about the plight of the farmer and some ideas on how to help.

I am feeling fairly helpless. I often do in these situations. I am not a citizen of the UK so feel I can’t really write my MP/MLA as I am not actually represented by them.

If you are a citizen of the UK, please Tweet, using #21stcenturyclearances as your hashtag. Even if you’re not, let’s get the word out. Let’s get the world watching.

Let’s get this powerful internet tool working. My farmer friend has made the decision to go public, even if it’s too late to help her and her family.

Let’s see what we can do to help her.